The great become great because they have talent, yes -- but more because they work on it every single day. Take someone like Tiger Woods -- he had talent as a youngster clockin' that golf ball -- but he goes out EVERY SINGLE DAY and practices.
This is so important. In finding your Inner Bond Grrl, your Path To Passion...you are NOT GOING TO BE A PRO the day after you make your decision!
Let's put it in perspective here. You decide that you want to play the piano. So, the next day, you can sit down and jam out Mozart? Um....no. It's going to take some EFFORT on your part - and practice. Just time put into it, doing scales, doing what it takes to reach your goal.
So that's part of this, too. That's why it's so important than in fleshing out your dreams, and figuring out what is Dream A, top of your heap, that you also think a bit about what it's going to take to get there.
If you have a flash dream that you want to be a concert pianist, is it that you want to "live the life" of a concert pianist (or author, or artist, or...?) -- like a genie just BLAM giving that to you and all the ability -- or are you willing to put the time in each and every day to GET there because piano is your passion?
See the difference?
Often our "dreams" are, like I said before, the Bling and the Merc' and the House and the Stuff. But does this dream have a "blam, the genie gave it to me" quality to it? Or is there an inkling of "yeah, I am totally willing to put in what it takes to get there"?
I'm not talking about your coming up with the "How," now. Don't think that. But let's say that you decide that you want to be....a successful real estate agent, like these gals in this training seminar. Are you willing to write some cards, check out Open Houses, getting interested in the market, etc.? Or are you just seeing the truck back up to your door with the cash?
Think of some steps to get where you're going -- but also remember each night to "give the How up" to Grandma/The Universe/Jesus/etc. Do those daily things that you know are going to work you towards your success -- that are the steps you know towards your Path to Passion. You do have to do that. But you also don't want to have blinders on.
Someone once told me something that I think is really true. That to a large extent, how long something takes is based upon how long we THINK it is going to take. If you THINK that it's going to take 10 years for you to get some goal -- well then, it will. Because you are going to somehow parse your effort out over those 10 years, and at the end -- well, self-fulfilling prophecy. BUT, if you think it's going to take 10 MONTHS (if you have that urgency), you would smoosh together all those actions you know and steps you know to take, and -- though you might be panting at the end! -- it WILL take 10 months (OK or you might die trying...joke! joke!)
I have just a couple other things to say on this subject. A wise man (I think it was my father) once told me that "The difference between a success and a failure is that the successful person gets up one more time from being knocked down than the failure does." In other words -- you're going to make mistakes. There will be some setbacks. But if you do NOT make mistakes -- you're not doing anything. Mistakes are part of the learning process (don't you hate it when people say that? But it's true) Without mistakes, it means you're staying on some well-worn, tried and true path, and there is no risk. If there is no risk, there is no urgency. If there is no urgency, there is no change.
Remember, also, that it's all good and well to hear something. If you hear it (or read it), you might learn it. But to actually UNDERSTAND it, you must EMBODY it. This means that saying that you're going to do something, or be something, is all well and good, but then not DOING that thing means you will never get it into your body -- you will never really "embody" whatever that is.
Think of the golf example. You could read all about the perfect curve of the "magic" swing, all the rules of the game, and all that -- but if you don't pick up a club, what then? And believe you me, if you don't think you're going to shank a few balls...come on now, Tiger shanks them all the time! But each slice means a learning. Each mistake means a course correction. But not getting out on the course doesn't make you a golfer. It makes you a talker.
Some of this is going to be new to you -- and none of us is great at something "new" right away. (You know that's true.) But you have to trust in yourxelf, and trust in the process. You need to pick yourself up that one extra time, the time that separates you from the pack.
Believe in yourself. I do.
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2 comments:
This is something that I have to tell my daughter all the time, "You have to work on it". She gets very discouraged when she tries new things and she doesn't get it right the first. I am working hard on her self-esteem.
That leads me to my "dreams" in life. Since you posted your previous blogg about the "Path to Passion(TM)". I've been really thinking hard on what I'm passionate about. The only thing I can come up with is see my daughter succeed in life. I know that's what every parent wants for their child but...It's what I'm really "passionate" about!
I want her to do so many things. For instance I'm always telling her that I want her run track, play the piano or guitar, become a spelling bee champ, a dancer, be a doctor. So you see I want her doing so many things at once and being successful at it.
I have goals in my own life that I want to accomplish of course(make more money, get married, big home, fancy car...), but they aren't things that I fell "passionate" or "dream" about.
Is there something wrong with me??
I see you with all your dreams: The New York Times bestsellers book "The Bond Grrl Life", Teaching and coaching millions of women world wide on the Bond Grrl Lifestyle, and I hope that one day I can come up with at least one non-materialistic 'dream' ;-)
~Mica~
LAUGH re non-materialistic dream :-))))) The thing is, if you are passionate about the car/home/etc. -- and debt-free, don't forget (grin!) -- then that is what you should dream on. It's important.
Now.........I'm going to say one thing about your daughter. And remember -- it's important to weigh everything that I say and see how it feel to you.
But.
This is the one thing that is "dangerous" about all the things that you talk to your daughter, about what you want for her and want for her to do. You MUST have passions that are just yours. Because the problem is, often women wind up "living through" their children -- giving and giving to them, things that they "want them to do" -- and often not letting the child develop what is their passion. They hear their parent talking about how much they dream and aspire "for" them -- and they (a) do not learn to dream and aspire for themselves (to embody that) and (b) they often do things to "please" their parent...when they should be pleasing to them, themselves, through passion.
I remember a friend of mine, a mom, who was in this situation and wound up with a very very rebellious teenager. Because the teenager had been the "outpouring of passion" for her mother, the girl felt sort of "responsible" for her mom -- kinda strange -- but then rebelled against it. They went to a family therapist, and the therapist said that one of the things to start when a kid is really young, is not to say "I am so proud of you" but instead of say "Wow! You should be so proud of yourself!" So that the pride lives "within" and the child isn't looking outward for what their passion "should be" or for approval, etc.
I think that's often why it's hard to find "our passion." Because somewhere in our lives, we starting thinking that we were doing things to "please others" -- not please ourselves. Now, I don't mean "selfish" -- that's the other end of the scale -- but often we will do something -- sleep with someone, go to a party we're not into, drive with someone who has been drinking too much, or even just hang with someone that doesn't turn us on -- because we are looking for "approval" from somewhere else (not from ourselves).
Soooooooooooooo, and remember you have to take this with a big ole'grain of the sea's finest (salt (smile)), but one thing that is so so important is to realize what is your passion. Often, we have to go back to when WE were little girls. What was it that really floated our boats? What would we do for hours and hours, if left alone?
For me, I was totally a reader. This is still me -- if given a whole day on my own, I like nothing better than to be stretched out in bed, reading! Now, this is important, because let's just say that I was trying to be....a professional track star. Since I can remember back, to way back when I was a little'un, was I outside racing people and tearing around? Um....noooooo. So looking at that, track is PROBABLY not a "passion."
A "passion" can of course develop when you're older. But it is nearly always rooted in a passion that you had as a kid. And having a parent that will LISTEN TO and DEVELOP your own passion as a kid is so, so important. I remember that in my Mom -- she was very very good (tho she had been athletic as a kid) in that she asked me about what I loved to do -- and she told me that any book I ever wanted, she would get it for me, so long as I finished it and then told her all about the story. This was so brilliant. Because then I would read a book, and then get mom's undivided time for about 20 minutes one night after I finished. This also gave me the experience of having to take a big'ole book, and "condense it down" into that 20 minutes -- b/c I couldn't just waffle on and on, that's the time I had for my "book report." It was fun. She would ask questions, I had to have the answers. Not hard questions, but curious questions.
And so, think about it. What's my passion now? Life coaching. In a way, this is learning about other peoples' stories -- about finding that thread or story in their own lives, and condensing that down -- getting them excited about it, asking those questions, etc. -- I have kinda combined my mom's "role" and my "role" into something I ~LOVE.~ And I still read a ton of books of course, though often now driving, with Books on Tape from the Library!
So that said -- here's an exercise.
(1) Think back to when you were a little grrl. What totally floated your boat. We're talking little -- like 8. What was your passion? Get your arms around it -- really FEEL it. Remember what that felt like? (And no "Oh, I was a CHILD" stuff -- that's not what this is about. We're connecting back to your most primal feelings of passion -- and you are hard wired with some of these! Go for it.)
(2) Talk with your daughter, get her to dream during some "mom time." What is HER passion about? Is it music? Does she dream of being a singer? Dancer? Horseback rider? Doctor? What floats her boat. What excites her? Then -- instead of having lots of dreams "on" her, listen...and concentrate on that. If it's really a passion, then she's going to pick it up, and want to work hard to succeed at it.
I think about piano. That was my mom's dream. She always wanted to be musical. She tried and tried with various instruments, but she wasn't very musical (and doesn't sing all that well). I was (and am, I guess) ~very~ musical. So my mom bought a piano, lessons, singing lessons, the works. Was I good at this? Yup. Was it my passion? Nope. My mom STILL talks about how great a piano player and singer I am....but I did it "for her." I couldn't play the piano these days if you sat me there and asked me to play Chopsticks. You know why? B/c it was my mom's passion "for me" -- not my passion. I think of the $ she spent, and how I did it to please her. Boy, I can feel that in my gut now.
NOW, if it had been DRUM lessons (dot dot dot)
Smile!
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