Don't be an "Eeek" Grrl.

I had a friend tell me a story the other day. She was invited out on a skeet shooting party (yes, really). AND, she was interested in one of the Jameses that had invited her to go along. She has never shot a gun, which seems fairly typical these days, and actually is fairly anti-gun.

(Anti-gun, but she did go along on a skeet shooting party, remember.)

So, the James that she's interested in asks her whether she'd like to have a go. What's her reaction?

Eeeeeek! No! I don't touch guns! Eeeek! Eeeek! Eeeek.

Sigh.

I'm not sure why she went on this skeet shoot to begin with. She might have been staying over at their place for a weekend and it would have been a social "faux pas" not to go. She might have just followed this James. What-Ever. But she does her Eeek thing, and then doesn't even try -- and wonders why the James never calls.

Maybe she was trying to be feminine (Oh! Eeek! (Hands to mouth, knees knocked together) Rhett! Save me! Save me from that scary gun!) I don't think so -- I actually think it was likely she didn't want to look stupid. She pretty much likes to be an expert or know-it-all in what she does -- and this would have not been possible.

If you are in a situation where whatever you're offered isn't actually going to kill you ("Would you like to join me in this pit of poisonous snakes, hon?"), then give it a go. Come on. And don't do the "acting helpless" bit. If of course you're a crack shot, don't shoot their pants off, either -- just be competent and quiet about it.

What might have been a better Bond grrl reaction here? Well, if really "anti-gun" -- then decline the invitation. All you need to say is something like, "I'm actually not a big gun person, but have a great time -- I'll have some martinis ready when you Big Game Hunters come back with your brace of prize skeets!" (warm smile) But if you DO go, then HAVE a go. Let them be instructors -- listen, don't be an eek grrl, give it a try, don't close your eyes, be serious in learning this new trick. And if you're terrible at it -- LAUGH! And if you're great at it -- DON'T BRAG!

Everything that you can learn -- from shooting a gun to riding a motorcycle -- might actually get you out of trouble at some point in your life. Let's face it -- we hear about crazy things going on out there every day. Now, if you are walking confidently, being aware, and not exuding victim-hood, I hope you never face a situation where shooting a gun or escaping on a motorcycle are really REALLY important to you. But if some James wants to be your mentor -- come on, how bad is it to learn a few new tricks!

I personally can fly a biplane, ride a motorcycle, drive a manual car, feng shui a house, ballroom dance, fire a few weapons, break a nose, walk a runway, speak some languages, open an oyster, fire a cannon, ride horseback, crochet, play poker, cook a souffle, read Tarot, drive a team, train people for triathlons, tell a joke, crew a hot air balloon, hold my breath for over a minute, mix a mean martini/negroni/sidecar...and some of these not at all well!! Any time I'm presented with something new to learn, though, I try to jump on it. OK unless it involves that "heights thing" (grin). Or knitting. Man, I really suck at knitting.

Does all this stuff make for interesting conversation? Yeah, I guess so. But I don't bring these things up myself, and I try not to "one-up" someone in conversation either. In fact, I nearly only talk about it when faced with a real expert in the subject, in the context of how fairly pathetic I am at the action -- and how much I therefore admire the speaker for being an "expert" at it.

A lot of women "share" their experiences so that, I think, a speaker feels that the listener is "with them" in a story -- they hear a story, and then say "oh my God! That's just like when I..." Hello, grrls. This used to be me. My James was brave enough to help me work on this one. All it does is make the speaker feel like you really weren't listening to their story -- that their great experience was just a launching point for your own braggadocio. Try this: Next social occasion, make a game out of saying as little about yourself as possible, and gathering as much as possible about other people. If you go with your James or a pal, see who got the most interesting tidbit out of the assembled crowd. Maybe put a little wager on it -- a double dip Baskin-Robbins for the winner, perhaps??

So don't think it's feminine and somehow attractive to be an "eek grrl" -- just like it's not particularly attractive to be a know-it-all. Just be game, have fun, listen, laugh, and be a student of life.

I mean it.