Know What Your James Relies on You For

In the Bond movies, the Bond girl generally has an expertise, for which Bond relies on her. It could be flying a plane, or diffusing a bomb, or driving a car -- but when she's called on, she does it. It's complete trust on Bond's part.

What does your James rely on you for? My James relies on me to pour him a glass of wine when he gets home. Does this make me a "doormat"? Are some of you saying "Hey, HE should pour YOU a glass of wine when YOU get home." Whyzat?

I can do something fairly simple like this and know that he's completely relying on me for this area of our lives together. He also completely relies on me for doing the laundry, and by and large getting the groceries. I don't mind doing these things -- and he hates doing them. So here, he knows he can rely on me.

Don't cut down these sorts of things, or demean them. Why are these more "demeaning" than, oh, paying the mortgage, which I rely upon him for? I hear women constantly stating that they are "so sick of doing the laundry all the time" and that their James should "pitch in," etc. Why? I'm sure he's doing something that you would rather not do -- and is it really so bad that you do these things for him?

Maybe your James doesn't "appreciate" what you do -- how do you know? And are you doing it for the "appreciation" (outward motivation), or for the inner satisfaction for knowing that things are getting done right? You need to look at your own motivation sometimes.

So what does your James rely on you for? Even if he doesn't cry "thank you" every time you do whatever it is that you do -- that's just not the Bond way. He relies on you -- he trusts you. He appreciates it but you should be getting inner satisfaction from it. (Satisfaction, from doing the laundry? Yeah, I get it -- because I know that it's done right, and I do know that my James is relieved that he doesn't have to do that chore any more.)

When a Bond girl drives the car while Bond is shooting the bad guys, or diffuses the bomb that Bond brought her along for, or the like, he doesn't stop to say "Thank you." It's implied.

I think a lot of women want thanks every day for what they "do," but then they aren't giving the big thank-you to their James' either. Is that where you are coming from? Want the big kudos for doing the laundry, or picking up the kids, or getting dinner on the table, but don't mention the things that your James does, like taking out the garbage, or keeping whiskers out of the sink, or bringing home the 'bacon,' or taking you to the movies?

Another thing that comes to me here is the phrase "Don't Complain -- Act." What does that mean? Complaining and gossiping is for folks that just don't have enough to do. If you're gossiping, you're trying to bring someone else "down" (and therefore your own self "up") through your gossip. If you're complaining, you're not acting to change what you're complaining about.

Get a grip.

Stop complaining -- and start changing. If you're in the wrong relationship (and take a good look -- maybe your James is so "awful" because you haven't been appreciating him, have you thought about that?), or in a wrong job, or the like -- then just start thinking about change. Every change starts as a thought. Then in little ways, start turning your thoughts into action. Don't make a big jump without a parachute -- but stop complaining, because that just keeps your "stuck energy" where it is.

Using the parachute analogy, complaining is like this -- you're in a plane. The engines start to sputter a little. What do you do next? Complain? Start considering your options? Do you know how to use a parachute already, in case? Sometimes it seems to me that people get to the point where the plane is literally going down in flames, and then they just jump (maybe without even strapping on the parachute). How does this analogy work in your life? Are you conscious of what's going on for you? What's sputtering? What's starting to smoke? Don't let it all burst into flames before it gets your attention. If you are a Bond Girl, you are paying attention to your life, in every dimension. If you're "suddenly" in a huge amount of credit card debt, or in an awful relationship, or in a dead-end job....how did that happen. 'fess up. You were unconscious, weren't you? Bond girls stay present. So take a look around your life, and see what's what. Maybe even write it down, and what steps you're going to take to get the stuff in flames out of your life -- the engines that are sputtering tuned back up, and get more of what's going well.

You know what? If things are going well -- they take less of your time. You know that, right? You will have so much more time if you take care of the stuff that's gone off course. And again, DO IT. Complaining and gossiping takes time -- right? For the hour that you were on the phone with your grrlfriend "complaining" about your life, perhaps you could have spent that hour doing something that would actually be productive.

I dare you. Take a day, and be present all day. Be present to what you say and what you do. How much of a downer are you, really? How much time are you taking complaining, in your head or to other people? Amazing, isn't it? I bet you'll find that you are "spinning your wheels" a lot more than you thought. I once told a friend that she "had the clutch in" on her life -- she was always putting a lot of energy (gas) into what she was doing, but she never seemed to move forward! Vroom! Vroom! Going nowhere? It's better to be present and "have the clutch in" and put a little less energy -- but concentrated energy -- into it, than a ton of energy with the "clutch in," you know?

Well, I'm on my honeymoon -- and I'm rambling. OK, in truth, I'm trying to get some thoughts written down, so that they can make it into the book and HOPEFULLY still make the 11/17 "Bond movie release" deadline!

On to the next subject....