Practice Practice Practice....

What's the "hardest part" about actualizing your Bond grrl self? Is it saying Yes to yourself? Is it saying No to others trying to creep in on your time? Is it cancelling and rescheduling?

Is it getting started....?

I had an experience just yesterday that I call a "practice what you preach moment." I am trying to finish my certification in sexology before my book comes out -- which is hopefully going to be before the next Bond movie (so I can take advantage of putting it on Amazon.com and anyone who puts "Bond girl" or "Bond" in the search engine). This means I'm going to need to self-publish the darned thing -- no publisher is going to take me that fast. 'S OK by me -- I figure I can do a run of some, get them in the hands of some people to give me great quotes for the next version (Pierce Brosnan, anyone? (laugh)) and then get it back out there . . . and then hit up publishers for follow-on books, workbooks, whatever. I just want to get that darned book out there, because I feel a lot of doing the seminars, etc. is on hold as I only have so much energy and time for something that (right now) is not making me $.

Anyway -- the thing that's falling off my schedule right now is getting that certificate. A friend said to me the other day (after our pole dancing class - SMILE) "You have to actually schedule that time, just like any other appointment. If you had to go to classes [the certification is online and through mail], you'd just book that time and you would be there. Because it's not -- you're not. And that can never work."

Duh....isn't that me just speaking out of her mouth? Yes it is indeed.

So, my Goal for today is to get at least 10 segments of at least 1 hour a piece "blocked into" my schedule, where I am going to study. Then, on the last one, I will put "book 10 more" and I wioll book 10 more -- etc -- until I get the program done.

This is what you need to do as well. Can't face cleaning your whole house/desk/purse/etc.? Start with the least "awful" room (or drawer, etc.) When you do it, you have to touch EVERYTHING, and make a real conscious decision to keep it -- it has to have a real gut "energy" for you, not just be a "momento" or "something you don't want to get rid of because X will get mad." For those things, put them in a box -- you don't have to get rid of them right now, but you do have to have them out of the room/drawer/etc. that you're working on. You can do them "last."

What I've found is that folks get to one of these, and they just stall out -- then quit. There are some rooms/drawers/closets that have a lot more of these than others (we all know that). But what you need to do is schedule time in whatever time system you use, and book it and say specifically what you're going to do, when. If it's a room, you're also going to clean EVERYTHING that's left in it -- and baseboards and ceilings and behind and under things, etc.! So be sure that you book enough time for it -- so you can be leisurely. As I think I've mentioned before, I find the whole process less painful if I put some great tunes on my iPod -- I can sort of "divorce myself" from the emotions tied to "objects" if I'm rockin'.

See, this is the thing (which I heard on an Oprah repeat last night). It's your decision. If you say that you are going to "try" to do something, you're not committed. If you say you WILL do it -- then you will. I have suggested signing a contract with yourself -- and Oprah is a big proponent of this. But in reality, what it takes is commitment to the process and the end result.

Before I moved in with my James, I processed through my house this way. I actually took 3 full days to do it on a 3-day weekend, told him I was off limits (laugh), and just DID it. I did my whole house down to every drawer and closet, my yard, my car, my purse, my desk -- you name it, I did it. WOW there was a lot of stuff that went into that "box" I mentioned above -- and even more went into trash, and charity/giveaway!

At the end, the trash obviously was thrown away, I brought the charity stuff to the various charities that could use it (a Baptist Church that feeds the homeless for lots of food/tea/etc. that I had extra, Dress for Success for "good" clothes, and we have a program called "Freecycle" for other stuff -- if you have one in your area, it's an email "board" where you post what you have and folks just come and get it -- it's fantastic). For the "box," I had a big potluck party and invited a bunch of local grrlfriends, and told them that was my party gift to them -- anything in that box (which actually turned out to be a BUNCH of boxes) were things that I couldn't part with, so I was hoping some of them might like them so I could go "visit" at their houses. They were all over that! I had put some clothes in there, LOTS of "chachkis" like candleholders, picture frames, etc. -- hair stuff, some costume jewelry I'm never going to wear, pillows, books, you name it. The personal stuff I'd taken off my walls that didn't totally give me an emotional "hit" any more (some photos of family, etc.) I put in a scrapbook. I can pull that scrapbook off the shelf any time I want -- but you know what? I don't. I have a few photos still out that inspire me and make me totally grin when I look at them -- but all that stuff has to be LIVING memories -- not something "past."

I have a friend who has a ton of photos in her house -- lots of them of her kids (who are grown and with their own families now), etc. She mainly dusts them -- I know she doesn't really "see" them. I had another friend who had the same thing in her house -- and when she got it painted, she really thought about each one before she put it back on the wall (the wall looked so good she didn't want to "put a lot of holes in it" which I thought was fun). A lot of us get into this "grandma syndrome" the older we get...and I think it's really just dead energy. That has to "flow." If you have a lot of photos up, or things that are old medals, trophies, stuff like that -- put them in a scrapbook (or for trophies, take a picture of them, put THAT in the scrapbook, and think a lot about whether you really NEED that trophy any more, especially if you're not still doing what you got the trophy for or it's more than 3 years old -- all it's doing is reminding you that your "glory days" are in your PAST and they SO ARE NOT!)

I had one of my grrls mention that she didn't feel like she had any goals -- except getting out of debt, which is going to take a lot of energy and "doing." The thing is -- it's not really true. She does have goals, and I know it (smile). She has to still do all the "clearing out" stuff. I have found -- truth -- that after this has been done, that somehow, something in the clearing "spurs you" into another goal. I'm not sure how this happens, but something "Sparks" and suddenly you think (when you find a long-lost "thing" that you "saved" and forgot about)....you think "HEY, I really wanted to check this out" (whatever "it" is)....and if you are still hot to do it -- THERE YOU GO, there is your goal! Don't tell me you're too old/fat/whatever. I see gals in my pole dancing class who might have said the same thing -- but they are all trying it out and having the TIME of their LIVES.

So bad to the time I totally cleaned out my house. After that, I moved in with my James. His house is 100% full -- as was mine. (Though mine was 1/2 the size (smile).) So NOW, here I am, having to go back through all the stuff that I felt I had "cut down to the bare minimum" -- and get rid of 1/2 of it again! Wow....it's been really enlightening. Because if you had asked me after I did my house last time, I would have said that everything that was still in there I "couldn't part with." Now -- I'm "parting with" 1/2 of it.

So you see -- part of this has to do with "expanding to fit your space." I heard a gal speak the other day, who wrote a book called something like "The Not So Big House." (It had to do with decorating, storage, etc.) Someone asked her "How big is 'Not So Big'?" And she said..."It's 30% less than what you currently have."

I felt that was a great definition. Her book has to do with "downsizing" to a degree-- but she also believes that everyone has at least 30% too much "stuff" and should be able to fit into a space that's at least 30% smaller (and be fine).

I'm coming to a realization that this is really true. Let's just pretend that your James came to you and said "Hey gorgeous, I have the greatest idea. I want to pack up all our stuff, and move to Buenos Aires for 6 months. I am going to pay for everything to get us there -- and we're going to have a fully furnished apartment that is just to die for. We just need to bring our essentials, then pack up what we want to get back into when we get back home." Just take a breath, and imagine this. And any excuses that you can come up with are taken care of -- it's going to be fine with your kids' soccer coach, with your boss, with WHOMEVER you are using in your head as an excuse not to go. (So that means -- it's all up to YOU.)

Now, the crux of this. Storage is expensive -- as is shipping your stuff to Argentina. (Or Paris. Or Rio. Or Miami. Or....) So you have to pack up the stuff that you are going to put into storage and don't "need for 6 months" -- but you and I both know that there is stuff that in reality you are not going to need -- EVER. Then, you're going to have to pack up stuff that you "can't live without" for the 6 months you're going to be away (remember, we have a fully furnished apartment here).

Okie dokie, so after that little mental exercise, you're in Argentina doing the tango with your James, and you find out that the storage unit was hit by a hurricane, and only 1/2 of your stuff survived. What stuff are you super hopeful made it?

You see what I'm getting at -- if you start going through it this way -- just like what happened to me when I cleared and cleaned my house, and am doing it now AGAIN because of moving in with my James, there is stuff you know that you can get rid of (that didn't make it to the storage unit). THEN, there is stuff you "want to keep" and put in there, but that isn't actually "irreplaceable." THEN, there is stuff that is actually "irreplaceable." (And then there is stuff you brought with you so that is "necessary.")

The cleaned out stuff might include clothes that aren't fashionable, pictures you never look at, books you have but haven't read and probably won't -- stuff that you could let go.

The stuff you put in storage that you realize would be OK (though a little painful) if taken by the hurricane are books you read and loved and so "want to re-read some day," DVDs, CDs (that aren't already in your iPod or came with you on the trip), furniture, old toys of your kids', candleholders, all your childen's drawings and papers going back for their whole lives, kitchen pots and pans that you have that are really kinda "extra," etc.

The stuff you put in storage that you realize you are really going to miss might include scrapbooks, that particular kitchen pot that you really cook EVERYTHING in, your grandma's silver, a picture by your child or a poem that every time you see it puts a tear in your eye.

The stuff you brought with you includes your grandma's antique broach, clothes you love, toys your kids really love, etc.

You know what I'm going to say now, right? You gotta get rid of the stuff that is the "hurricane stuff." I know it's painful, but that's what I'm doing now, and I am HATING IT, but it's so freeing.

A friend told me the other day that her school sponsors a "consignment day," where everyone brings their old toys, books, clothes, etc. -- all kids. It takes a bit of doing, because each item is "tagged" with the kids' names. And then, at the end of the day, that kid gets the $ from the stuff that has sold -- and everything else goes to a deserving charity, that the kids have learned about in school (e.g., clothing homeless kids, etc.)

My friend said that this has been the biggest lesson for her 2 kids -- that they LOVE getting that $, and often they want to give away stuff that she realizes she bought for them but they've never used! (This has taught HER as well!)

I think this is the most amazing idea, and wish all schools did something like this!

So, long post again (gee how surprising, I haven't written in a while), but I think the take away is this -- get your family involved, get rid of stuff, get some goals going (the first of which is -- get rid of stuff), and.....get GOING.

I know you can do it! I'm suffering through it -- suffer with me!