What Makes a Bond Grrl Invincible?

Guns? Some little sexy trick she "duz"? Well, when you come down to it, as a Bond grrl in training, I would say no :-)

What your "James" (and all people around you -- you, too!) really are craving is to be understood. If you can help fill this need for those special to you, you are going to be an amazingly special woman indeed.

You want people to seek you out, because they need to be heard and understood. I don't mean talk your ear off -- you can set your boundaries. But how often are we talking talking talking so much in a conversation, and we realize we haven't shut UP and don't know a thing about what the other person is doing or feeling -- or they say one thing and we jump on it and ride it with "our experiences"?

I know we're trying to be "sympathetic." Knock it off. In fact, it makes people feel like you're using their experience to "springboard" off into your own ego-ramblings.

Once you have listened to someone -- well, they are "emptier" and a lot more likely to listen to you. That's a fact. Just make sure that they are all done talking before you blurt out your fabulous wisdom on them.

Understanding is usually the key. Helping someone "understand" why they do something (especially if they, or you, don't like it ) can be life changing. If everyone is truthful, it can be a really deep way to find out more about yourself, and about others. Besides, when someone feels heard and understood, they are DEFINITELY going to be more "present" for you.

One of the best ways to show that you understand is just to take a bit of what they said and mirror it back to them. NOT ADDING your own two cents, just with a "wow, I heard you say X, and that really makes me feel Y." (Period)

Yesterday, I had lunch with an old high school flame (you know, one of the EARLY crush ones, where you don't even have a clue what to do so it's just hopeless (laugh)). He looks GREAT! I don't think I've seen him in 20 years -- a mutual friend of ours ran into him, and gave him my email. He and his wife moved back from the East Coast a few years ago, and now live where we all grew up again. (It IS gorgeous here, but I think it's better if you come to it from living away for a while -- I was away for a long time and so I don't feel that "all my life" I have spent here.) Anyway -- so I practiced this -- nearly the whole lunch, I talked about him, what he was doing, etc. -- and really drawing him out on it. We were just about paying up when he asked a bit about what I was up to and I answered -- but I kept it short, because the time was short. Not short as in "mad" short as in just little bits and pieces. And so what happens? He wants to get together again! (Maybe the 4 of us -- he says that his wife and I would really get along.)

See, that's the thing. Listen, Listen, really Understand, be Curious, give a tiny bit, GET ANOTHER DATE (as it were). If you shoot your whole "wad," then how interesting you gunna be? And besides, THE most interesting woman is the one who gets and keeps the most interesting conversation going. And what do you think THAT is about? The listener's interests! Don't fake it -- I mean, a little if you must -- but practice on this. You will get deeper info into someone, and the thing you thought that he did that you hate, will turn out to be tied to something TOTALLY FASCINATING you knew nothing about.

Practice!