Set Aside Space/Clear The Decks...

Why do we fill our lives so full? Do so much for others? Spin, spin, spin?

Is it because if we take it all away, if we're sitting in our own quiet room by ourselves, we feel that we're just a nobody? Do we feel that we "are what we do?"

This is my question for you this week. I think that we often do a ton of stuff because we want people to look at us and say "wow, look how great she is" or "wow, she does so much" or "wow, she gives so much to her community/family/etc."

The thing is, that as a Bond Grrl, all you want to do, you want to do with and for Passion.

Are you Passionate about all the little chores that you're up to during the day? Or are you doing them so that you can say "HONESTLY, I just do NOT HAVE TIME to do all your Bond Grrl exercises, I am BIZZY BIZZY BIZZY!" I think this is just a coping skill, for not wanting to find out what's "inside." It's all Fear-based. That you will find out who you are, and you won't like her! That you will find out that you are "only" what you wear, or what you eat, or who you meet, or what you do.

The thing is, that's just not so. ~I~ know that you're an awesome Bond Grrl in there (or else you wouldn't be reading this). I just feel that you have dripped all sorts of things all over yourself, to "avoid thinking about" the hard stuff. Like how much debt you're in. Or how much you need to tone up. Or how low energy you feel, because you don't eat foods that nourish you. Or how stressed out you are, because you do things "for others" -- to get their appreciation.

I heard once from a child psychologist that one should never EVER say to a child "Wow, I'm so proud of you!" You should instead say "Wow, you must be so proud of yourself!" That the "pride of accomplishment" is "rooted" outside us by the first comment, given to us very early on. We wind up going outside of ourselves to find someone "proud of us" -- instead of being firm and warm about it on our own insides.

I'm definitely there with ya'll, my Bond Sisters. I definitely want to hear that I look great, I want to hear that I'm fantastic, etc. It's all a process. But I also know, when I hear that little voice in my head that "wants to hear that," that it's all just training from when I was a little kid, and I learned through that about how if you do something someone likes, you get praise, and it feels good. I didn't learn until a lot later about doing something that is right, and feeling that "flush" just inside.

(Sometimes I still have to go "tell someone I did it" -- though I am workin' on that. See I am still a Bond Grrl work in progress, too!)

So what I want to reiterate is that you need to set aside space in your life just for you. And don't let anyone say that you're "lazy" or "it must be nice." I actually get this all the time from my James. He is an employee -- so "has to work 9-5." But we all know that employee bees are NOT "working 9-5" -- there are a LOT of breaks, downtimes, etc. in there. However, I work for myself. This means that some days (like today) I only have 1 project to do for a client -- and then, well, no more work. So I'm going to go hiking with a grrlfriend, b/c we haven't seen each other in a long time, and it's beautiful out. What's the haps on that from my James? (Derogatory, "sigh/fed up" tone of voice): "Well, THAT must be NICE."

Other people just don't understand where you are coming from, and if you let them "make you" fill in your downtime because you feel "guilty" having it, then you're reacting to something outside yourself, to make Your Life. Things like cancer, heart attacks, etc. are tied to this sort of "whirring around" and "rushing" etc. This is not good!

If you think about Aboriginal living, what do they do? Lie around. Hunt some food. Enjoy their families. Have some sex. Lie around again. In a way -- this is Bond Grrl living, just with a higher style! This is what we're supposed to be doing with our lives.

I will definitely tell you, of course, especially as my James is one of them, that some people just are not going to "get" this. So, don't tell them. Do they really NEED to know that you're going hiking? My James is going to go to work -- what does he know about what I do all day? Not much. And if I don't have any work, what am I supposed to do? Obsess about it? Freak? Look at my bank account with $32.12 in it? Heck, if I go out hiking, have a good time, get some fresh air in and clean out the cobwebs, I'm more likely to be positive and "attract" good energy and things to me.

So I want to be sure that you are making room for your Self in your life. It can start with just waking up each morning 20 minutes early, and stretching from your feet up to your head, and saying your prayers of thanks for being around, give thanks for the FANTASTIC day you are GOING to have (set that up!) That's such a good start -- I do this now, and I think it makes a big difference not to just have the alarm go off and SLAM I am running into my day. I also found a Pilates class that I do 2x/wk in the morning, first thing -- it's hard to get there (and that's just me -- I don't have kids to get up and out!) -- but once I ~do~ get there I am so thankful. That "gym time" -- especially stretching -- is really time for yourself. (Hard core running, etc. often seems more "out of body" to me -- maybe because it's more painful than yoga/stretching/Pilates/etc.!)

Are you going to make that room for your Self this week? Because the only way to be ready to be spontaneous -- you NEVER KNOW when that ticket to Paris is coming! -- is to have ROOM in your life to be so.

Go grrrl.....