timing, timing....

this is likely to be a very short post, because I'm waiting on a massage client that's about 10 minutes late already (though I did confirm -- she's coming).

while I was coming home, I had a great call with a friend of mine whom I wish I saw more, but we are "all busy" as the saying goes. We had a great catch-up,

oops -- client here -- more later :-)

ok, I'm back :-)

So anyway, had a great catch-up with the one friend. We were talking about how it seems we have all moved away from "essentiality" in our lives. That the things that really feed our soul -- things like cooking, watching kids or puppies, cuddling, and the like -- somehow are the things that drop by the wayside in our lives -- because we have to "make money" or "rush rush rush."

She works with kids (she's an Occupational Therapist for kids in fact). We were talking about the zillions of boys on Ridalin now in the U.S. -- and how in reality what a lot of these kids need is the ability to get out and play -- that sitting in a classroom for 3 hours to try to "get it" is NOT how to help these kids learn. That "embodied learning" is more like it.

That back in the "one room schoolhouse" days, the kids would be coming from doing chores all morning -- and walk to school. Now, they sleep in their nice cushy beds, and then get driven to school in the SUV. Schools have cut back on "embodied" learning (recess, art, etc.) as a "waste of good learning time" -- and then after school, mom picks the kids up in the SUV again, to go to soccer -- a sport where you're expected to do brain-jarring and neck-compressing moves with a heavy ball...oh, then Joey's off to the chiropractor each week....

My friend has to "teach kids to play." To really get into their bodies. To learn through doing -- to make it OK to try and fail. This is what her life is all about. "Essentiality," really. Bringing life to the lives of these kids. It's amazing to me that in our "civilized" lives, that kids have lost the ability to "play" -- that not having chores has left them disembodied as human beings. (You can say the same for many of their parents..!) That the "spectre" of "kidnapping" has made it so that kids of the current generation can't do what my generation did, just a few years ago -- get out and play in the hills, "cardboard slide," and the rest of it. And we live in the suburbs -- imagine city kids...!

So her life is about bringing "essentiality" back to lives. In contrast, my life as an attorney is all about trying to imagine all sorts of scenarios where my clients might get screwed, and trying to protect them. In drafting contracts, or forming corporations, or filing trademarks, in reality, what we're doing is making sure "no one steals their stuff." That's not essentiality -- that's fear.

Even as a masseuse, though I "make people feel better," I find that I'm not able to make a living that way -- that the amount of people I would need to massage to really make a living would wreak havoc on my wrists, and just not be "worth" it. However, it is work that has more "essentiality" to it -- helping people unlock knots in their bodies, usually put there by their computer-based jobs and their hurry, hurry, hurry lives. And trying to convince them to eat better, drink more water, and get out and exercise now and again..."packaged" embodiment for the hurry, hurry, hurry life.

Massage, in fact, is often called the "rich man's exercise" -- because our lymphatic system, to work, actually has to have muscles move to "pump" it. Our circulatory system has the heart, but our lymphatic system -- the system that gets all the waste products out of our body -- does not. To pump and rid us of toxins, it needs the muscles to move, because the lymphatic "veins" are actually right under the muscles, so their movement "pumps" the system. And how many of us really get out and jump, jiggle, wiggle, walk, and get that system going? Hence, massage as the "rich man's exercise" -- a lymphatic (not "deep tissue") massage can get that system going, and move those toxins out. (So long as the client drinks a lot of water after, of course, otherwise all the toxins just pool and stay in the body -- ick.)

I also have other jobs. I am just going into real estate -- which was probably a mistake. How this happened was that my James and I are getting married, and we realized that he couldn't move into my house (which I adore -- too small though), and I didn't like his house -- so since it was going to be "my job" to try to find a house for the "two of us," we figured I should get my license and at least have the potential of getting paid for spending that time out searching.

The problem is, about a month ago, we sat down and my James "did the math" -- here in California, if we sell his house and move into another that's about the same price, his property tax (which has been fixed, due to Proposition 13, at the price he purchased the house for...about 1/2 of what it's worth now) will skyrocket. So instead, he suggested that we stay in his house for 3 years or so -- and that he remodel it so that there is more room, and it's more "comfortable" for the 2 of us for the time being, as we consolidate our lives.

I'm not so happy about this (I don't like his house, and as I show up each week with more boxes, nothing is getting integrated, and I feel very much like an "interloper"), but so it goes. He's "right" -- I do know that. And who knows? The way that "living together/marriage" situations go in the U.S., it's probably not a bad idea for us to "try this out" in a manner wherein if it does NOT work out, neither of us is "stuck" having moved into a different situation. (I am going to rent my house out.) This recently happened to another friend -- she jumped into an ill-fated marriage (from first date to wedding day was less than 3 months -- it lasted a little over 2 years) and recently told me that what this will 'cost her' is $1,000/month for "the rest of her life." (That's the difference between the mortgage she had had on her own house, which she sold when she and her husband decided to build a big new house...which they have now sold, and the new mortgage on the house she has downsized back into.) She could easily have stayed in her former house -- she has a couple kids from a previous marriage, and her husband came in with just about nothing, so the house was big enough. Or she could have rented it out.

I'm just advocating safety nets here -- not "anticipating failure."

Anyway -- that's not why I started writing (how unusual that I ramble ramble!)

Why I started this was actually that while I was on the phone with my other friend (the Occupational Therapist friend), another friend intercepted. I didn't pick up the intercept, and went and 'retrieved' it after my other call (and before my massage client).

This friend was going to sponsor one of my horses -- taking it to her county (closer to her). She is an immense horse lover, and had had horses in her life for most of her life, until an ill-fated marriage left her pretty much destitute. She has been coming out to ride Katie (my horse) -- a distance of about 2 hours' drive -- a couple times a week, and decided to make the "jump" to lease her.

I was ecstatic, because this was such good timing for me. I'm moving, I don't have time to get up to where Katie is (it's far for me too -- about 45 minutes). The idea that Katie would have someone to really come and see her every day, and get her out and exercise her, etc. made me happy. Her board isn't an enormous amount of money, so the idea that my friend would be taking that "off my hands" wasn't really that important -- it was much more important that Katie was going to be somewhere where someone could really lavish attention on her, which I have been unable to do.

Anyway -- this gal called me -- her husband is in the hospital suddenly ("deep vein thrombosis"), and they made the decision there is no way that she should be doing this right now. So -- huge spanner in the works.

But the deal here is that she has this fantastic relationship with her husband -- and is having a huge, huge scare that poof! -- he might be gone.

SO that's what started this post -- "timing, timing." I think that most of us rush around in our lives, and have our lives so full, that we don't have time to just loll around in bed, or "enjoy" what we have manifested into our lives. What would happen if tomorrow, your James was rushed to the hospital, and it was "touch and go" on whether he would live or not? What would you regret that you did today -- or yesterday?

My previous post (about the 20 minutes) comes to mind at this instant -- if your James was suddenly hospitalized, how bad would you feel that you "begrudged" him that time? 20 minutes is SUCH A SMALL PART of a day.

Now, mind you, I actually have heard my friends (more than once) turn this scenario around. "Boy, if I were to suddenly die of a heart attack, he'd be so sorry he didn't act more (however they want him to act)." They never put it the other way around -- or if they do, they laugh about how "great" that would be because they wouldn't have to "pick up his underwear" and such. I have now stopped meeting with this group of women -- it doesn't do my soul any good.

Selfishly, I'm upset that Katie won't have someone there for her constantly, as my friend won't be able to sponsor her (though my James pointed out that it just be that it can't happen "right now," that it might work out later). But it really reminded me to value each day -- and to do some things that I love in each of those days -- and maybe not to "sweat it" quite so much.

Because it really is true -- you don't know who around you is going to be gone next year. So why not treat everyone with a present kindness, so that, once they're gone, YOU don't feel awful about what went unsaid and undone?