I was reading Cosmo the other day (Hey, a grrl's gotta do what a grrl's gotta do in a waiting room at the auto body shop -- I'm lucky it wasn't Road and Track), and there was an article on basically what "Sex Goddesses" have that us Mere Mortals do not have. There were a ton of "tricks," but there were 3 things that are things MY James says to me all the time, and really work with him. These 3, I thought I would share -- because they are very Bond Grrl.
1. Use His Name. OK, we all know from the Bond movies -- the "oh JAMES....." from the Bond Grrl who has definitely had a Nice Time Of It shall we say! But my James is all about this. When I say his name -- not Honey, but his actual given name -- he LOVES it. It's really funny -- when he uses MY name, I find it really jarring. I like "pet names" better -- I find being called by my name to be kinda "ick" especially in Sensual Situations. (Hey, probably b/c I am being Ms Solitaire and when you say "MyRealName" then "Solitaire" is all -- huh? Oh Gawd, not HER (laugh).) ANYWAY, the article says that when you use his name, it reminds everyone that he "beat out the competition" on you. Honest -- I would not have listed this hear, if it wasn't the one thing that totally rocks my James. So there has to be something to this. As the article said tho, you can't use it all the time -- the deal is to sort of "drop it in" here and there. Men dig it. Strange.
2. Tell him less -- he'll want you more. OK this is SO what I have been saying for months! You don't want to Tell It All to your James. They don't care about the specifics. They don't care about the stories (unless of course you're telling them about how hot you told your grrls he was (smile)). They don't care about the details. Details are a GRRL THING not a GUY THING. They are not wired this way. Grrls want to know what color the waitress in your story was wearing -- they really do! Your James doesn't even want to know there WAS a waitress, or you were in a restaurant, or that you were with your GrrlGang, or....you get the picture. Reader's Digest Version. At Best. The Cosmo was saying that the deal here is that if he asks what you were up to, you say "Oh, just out with my grrls" and STOP. If he asks, don't be all "coy" or anything -- just give as LITTLE AS YOU CAN without being a b*tch about it. When he has enough info, he will STOP ASKING and then....duh grrl....STOP TALKING. Don't be all snitty that he didn't "ask you more" about it. It's not that he doesn't care. It's that men get full-up on details so so SO FAST. Listen to HIS stories to YOU. They are all about the Verbs. Women talk all about the Adjectives. In other words, you and your grrls are about the "atmosphere" -- the "she was ugly/wearing yellow/talking loud/driving fast when she..." whereas a James is all about the "she was DRIVING FAST when she...." See? This is all, I believe, chemical. Back when, they had to go out and hunt, and be quiet, and sit in trees for hours waiting for game, shhhhh. WE were back, taking care of the kids, picking berries, and being LOUD and talking to scare AWAY the game. Get it? So save the details for your grrls. Don't "be mysterious" -- give me a break. That's such a game. Just play to the chemistry!
3. Compliment him right away on something -- or at least once a day on something. And DO NOT EXPECT IT BACK SISTAH. Remember -- you're about the Adjectives (you SEE THINGS). He doesn't, really. It takes a Big Change (like, you shave your hair off) to get a reaction b/c they really aren't made that way. Just wait for your Grrls to tell you DANG that DRESS IS GOOD ON YOU! Get it from them. But (as the Cosmo said, which totally cracked me up), your James is not EVER saying to you "Hon, does this shirt make my pecs look flat?" (OK, did that make you laugh? It made me laugh.) We do it all the time with clothes, etc. to our James and he is screwed with whatever the answer is (if it's Yes you're going to be pissed even tho that thing shouldn't be in your closet if the answer is Yes and you know it even in the back of your mind -- if he says No and you think it's Yes, you think that he's an idiot. Face it you know I'm right.) SO ANYWAY -- the deal is that a James will NOT FISH for compliments. That's why it's up to you to GIVE them -- b/c his boys will NOT. (That puts them in a "one down" position.) They might if it's a nice jump shot that helped them win the game -- but that's about all.
OK? OK.
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2 comments:
Let me try this again...I lost the first comment!
Those are some fun tips.
#1 I say his name a lot. Especially when we are having fuunn. But I was just thinking of stopping b/c 1) he doesn't say mine and 2) I'm afraid that I might oneday say the wrong name. (lol) I get names mixed up all the time.
#2 Tell him less. I learned that from you, it works. It seems that the shorter I am the more he wants to know. Also, he's started "talking" to me more.
#3 I do compliment my James a lot, not everyday but he knows I care. My only problem is, like you said I want it back. He doesn't do it that often (if at all). I mean he knows that I'm the shhh so why don't he gone and admit it. (smile)
~Mica~
I wonder if your James doesn't say your name that much b/c he doesn't really know that you love it. For example, telling him that it COMPLETELY turns you on and gets you HOT might work :-) Men of course love that -- as my one grrl says, they are all about food and sex. If he doesn't have a burger in his hand, time for a bl*w job (joke! joke!)
I hear ya re the compliment thing. But I believe that a Bond Grrl doesn't look for that from her James. Think of a Bond movie. Can you see James saying to the grrl "you look hot?" Not so much. More, it's in the eyes, how he "appreciates her with a look." So look for the look, is what I think.
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