Miscellany from "Day of the Divas" 3/06 NSA Meeting and Podcast on Mystery Writers

All day Saturday I was at a seminar, a "Day of the Divas" put on by the National Speakers Association. It was a lot of fun, and it made me take a LOT of notes -- which I am of course going to "consolidate" here.

I have also started to listen to a new podcast -- it's by a gal called something like Louisa May Alcott (it's actually Laura Mills Alcott) -- who interviews female mystery/thriller writers. There were a few things said in one of the podcasts that I also jotted down, that reminded me of "Bond grrls." (Of course, it's a bit easier to "jot down" notes in a seminar than speeding along in the pouring rain over the Golden Gate Bridge listening to my iPod...ya, you do NOT want to be drivin' if you see the crazy grey SUV...)

Anyway, so here are the notes, for what they're worth:

On the podcast, one of the writers was talking about one of her female characters. She said that she writes characters that are "not heroes," but that wind up being "heroic" nonetheless -- she said something along the lines of "They are terrified the whole time, but they do it." In other words, they just have to sink or swim and they swim (maybe after sinking a little)...and they make it.

This is the perfect definition of a Bond Grrl and why they are so close to my heart. If you look at Lara Croft, James Bond, Charlie's Angels, etc., they are all "heroic." (Well, you might not think an Angel is heroic, but in this way, she is...she is "paid" to be a "natural hero.") A Bond Grrl gets "put" in a situation where she winds up having to do heroic things...and she does. She's an ordinary person in extraordinary circumstances. She's not "paid to do these things" (like Bond is, or an Angel is). She winds up doing these "extraordinary things" in her support of Bond's mission (and usually, "against her will"...meaning, she didn't "mean to be in the situation" that he winds up putting her in. Think e.g. the computer programmer Natalya in Goldeneye, or Dr Jones in The World is Not Enough).

As an aside, if you think I come up with these names/movie pairings out of thin air, no, I cheat:

http://www.geocities.com/ultimatejbwebsite/bondgirls.html

Anyway -- what that thriller writer said about her "favorite" characters in her books resonated with me as to why I really ~like~ Bond grrls as opposed to the more "heroic" woman characters that "kick *ss and take names" (a la Bond).

Again, in no particular order, other things (these from the NSA seminar):

"...and now, before I close to my standing ovation..." This was the way that the lunch speaker (who DID get a standing ovation) closed her speech. It was just so funny. I loved it. Gotta remember that one. Her name was Mikki Williams, and I have a LOT of notes from her seminar. Here they are, just as "notes" (not going to go through and order these):

"When people laugh they relax -- and when they relax, they can take in more information." This is a great quote that ties in with my post from a couple days ago, about laughing when you hear something "bad" about yourself -- it also ties in with the idea that humor can really "diffuse" a situation. If you can make something humorous, it gets people breathing...and it gets them from being so dug into their positions. There is a lot to say about laughter -- and I have a whole "chapter" on your "laugh" in a previous post!


This gal said of herself: "I have had 9 careers. Obviously, I just can't hold a job."

This really made me laugh -- since I've had a similar situation, moving through a number of "careers" until now. She had done a lot of things successfully, then moved on to something else (as a "serial entrepreneur"). Now, she is a 6-figure public speaker, and that's all she does. One of the other speakers, Susan Baker, was actually asked if she spoke "to get consulting gigs" and her answer was really funny -- she said "I'm not smart enough to be a consultant. I get paid to speak, motivate and inspire [she speaks to hospitals about patient relations mainly] -- and then the client realizes they need someone to come in and do the specifics. That's not me." I really liked that. I think that most people speak as an "adjunct" to their "business" -- e.g., to "get more business for their 'real' business." I want to be more like Susan Baker. I want to speak, and "coach," and get paid enough so that I don't have to do anything else but that. She also talked about how this frees you up to really research, really give inspiring speeches, etc. -- because you don't have some "consulting project" that's on a back burner while you're out in Kansas speaking to some group or another. I was inspired by that.

Both Susan Baker and Mikki suggested a book called "Don't Let The Funny Stuff Get Away" by Jeanne Robertson. Apparently, one of the big things that it suggests is keeping a humor/story journal, categorized into various subjects that you are likely to speak about. Susan Baker also spoke about keeping a "speaking journal," because she has repeat business. She keeps in this journal what she wore, what stories she told (or didn't have time to tell), what handouts she used, and the like. She says that she makes sure she has at least 1/2 hour after every speech to fill this journal out, because she says she needs to "immediately" record what worked/didn't work, what questions she got, etc. She says that she doesn't LIKE to do it, but that it has made her a much, much better speaker, and when she comes back, she doesn't have the embarrassing situation of telling the same story twice to illustrate a point (or wearing the same suit (laugh)).

She gave a great example that I think is really applicable to Bond girls in training, too. She said that at one point she was at a "seminar" that her minister held, to try to come up with ideas to help make new parishioners feel more comfortable. The meeting was with his solid churchgoers (of which she was one, I believe). The minister said that one of the things that people often do, trying to make a new person feel "comfortable," is to ask "Are you new here?" It's an easy question, but it actually could be insulting -- as the person might just have been going to evening services when you were going to day services, stuff like that. So after discussing other things that one could say, he decided to do a "role play," and asked Susan to come up and be the "greeter." They had talked about all sorts of other things to say, and she was to roll play it out, with him as the visitor.

She said she came up to him, asked his name, asked whether he'd like to come to the coffee after the service, and then she said the next thing out of her mouth was "Oh, are you new?" She said it got a big laugh because of course she is a "professional speaker" and there she was -- saying just what she "wasn't supposed to!"

Her point was that when you're trying to "embody" a new concept, you go from "I know that" (meaning, it's just intellectual, you "know" that saying something else will make people feel more comfortable but you are not sure how to "do that") to "I know how to do that" (meaning, you have a script to follow -- but you still might mess up because you haven't practiced it and you "unconsciously" do what you have done before, but you "realize right away" that you should have done something else) to "I do that" (meaning, you have changed and "embodied" the new concept). So, if you are making a change, it's just not enough to say "I know that" or "I know how to do that" -- you have to practice it and when you slip up -- that's how it's going to go, until you've "embodied" it.

Another thing Susan Baker said that I thought was really interested was that as a speaker, "you don't get paid for the content -- your audience might even know the content better than you do -- you get paid for developing the content for the audience in a way that's so engaging, that they can embody it quicker." I really like that. I hope that's what I am doing for my "baby Bond grrls."

Another quote from her: "In his book 'John Adams,' David McCullough wrote that Adams was such a student of people that every time he met someone, he would go home and write their names down, and what made them special, then alphabetize so that he kept that information handy in case he met them again." Apparently he did it for EVERYONE he met. What a great thing to aspire to!

Back to notes from Mikki's talk (I'm jumping around, don't shoot me):

On the "humor journal": If something makes 1 laugh, 10 will - write it down so you remember to use it. Also: "It's not how you play the game, it's what you wear when you play it" (made me laugh).

She had 4 things she wanted to "convey" to the audience for us as professional speakers, but also for us "personally" which I wrote down and really liked. I think that a lot of this truly applies to the Bond grrl "challenge" as well. The thing to know about this speaker is she was CRAZY looking -- she looked like a cross between Barbra Streisand and Bette Midler, HUGE hair, a bright blue miniskirt dress (she was in her 50s) and serious (5"?) blue and rhinestone platform heels. She told a story about when she first decided to be a public speaker, she spoke to aerobic instructors to motivate them (because she had been one, and then she had owned a gym). One of the "ditziest" instructors (lesson: don't judge your audience and who is going to be your "gold mine") brought her husband with her to hear the speech again -- he turned out to be a honcho for Ernst and Young -- he asked her to speak for Inc's 500 Top Entrepreneurs for her "first paid gig" (she said she "almost fell over" when he proposed the $ he would pay her, though of course now she knows that it was a "lowball" payment for a speaking gig).

In talking to him about her speaking engagement, she asked what she should "look like" and "talk about." He wisely said "Be who you are -- just like this -- and talk about what you're talking about -- just like this." Apparently the year before they had had Jack Welch (!!) and were "Bored" (she said "I didn't know who Jack Welch was and so I wasn't intimidated").

She said of the 1,000s of speeches she has given, this was "one of 3" that she was actually nervous before she went out on stage. She stepped out, and the 500 entrepreneurs were like the CEO of Subway, CEO of Federal Express -- you get it, Big Wigs. She apparently wow'd them -- and her career was born. She wound up speaking at almost all of their companies as a motivational speaker, because each one of the men (all men) in that audience was so taken with her that they wanted her to come and speak to their "teams." So as she said -- do what you do best, be who you are -- and don't underestimate the "unlikeliest" person in your audience to potentially be your link to your loftiest goals.

She said she had 4 things to "impart to us as speakers" -- "some of which could be applicable to your life." They were:

1. WYSIWYG (What You See Is What You Get): Don't judge your audience - talk to them as people - and be the same person off and on the platform - don't adapt to "them" - be authentic. Be yourself and be comfortable - that will make them comfortable.

2. PIES challenge: speakers have to take risks. In life, in their careers, and on the platform. She said that she wanted everyone in the room to take 4 risks, and to be held accountable for them. There were postcards on our table, with the initials "PIES" down the side, and a date. We were made to write down challenges, and when we were complete (we only had a month - so we put a date of April 3, 2006) -- we were to mail them in to her. We didn't have to put our names, but we did have to "do it" (said she). She also said "Without accountability there is no predictability."

The P-I-E-S stood for these risks (either personal, or on the speaking platform, or in your career):

a. P=Physical: (examples on platform - incorporate magic, dance, create a character for your speeches). What's outside your comfort zone, that you're not doing? Pick something, and do it before the month is out.

b. I=Intellectual (examples: read outside your genre, learn PowerPoint, write some poetry, do something that's outside your intellectual "comfort zone"). Susan Baker talked about the fact that if you can get some examples for your speaking stories that you can "analogize to" out of magazines that you NEVER read, it's much better than to use analogies/stories from magazines you "always" read. This is because your audience is usually also going to read the "journals that you always read," but is far less likely to read, for example, "Surfer Magazine" (unless that's your "thing"). SO if you can "broading yourself" in this way, you wind up being much more engaging, because they will "assume" you are reading in your general area -- but quoting from "outside" that area shows them that you are more well-rounded.

c. E=Emotional (be vulnerable on the platform, look at it from audience's (or your spouse's) perspective, be understanding, tell people you love them, share part of yourself, "don't let saying you love someone go unsaid and they die on you"). Be attached to the process (which you have some control over) not the outcome (which is something you can't affect).

d. S=Spiritual (something you can't touch - go on a retreat to see where you want to go with your life, do something kind, get audiences involved, give back. Uniquely your own. Do it.)


3. "Anchors" Away: Have something that you do repeatedly, that people will "remember you for." Hers was getting people to say "Yo!" instead of "Yes" in answer to "Are you ready?" etc. Repeat them on the back of your business card, so that people immediately "remember who you are." Her card shows a charicature of her with huge hair, and then has WYSIWYG and "Yo!" on the back. The idea of Anchors is to get the whole audience involved in a more 'holistic' way -- whether it's the fact that you wear hats, carry a baton -- can be all different things -- but do something that will be uniquely you. It brings "Physicality" and "Predictability" into your life and people remember "what they are getting" when they get "you." What makes you special/different/unique? The idea is to create your image in your comfort zone, and then manifest it.

This is very much like what I am saying when training Bond Grrls. Not everyone is going to look alike -- far from it. But the idea is to realize what you are "on the inside" -- and then be "congruent" in yourself, your "look," and your attitude on the "outside." If you are trying to be "unlike" what you really are, then in effect you are lying. Again, the key to a Bond Grrl (as opposed to Bond, who might need to try to "take on disguises" etc. as he is a spy) is that she "is who she is" (WYSIWYG). If you are putting on an "act" that is not "you," then that's not being a Bond Grrl.

What Mikki said, which was interesting, is to "Go with" (play up) what the audience is going to be talking about, about you. This means you want to talk about it first - which "diffuses the potential negatives" of them "talking about" you. She said you want to be comfortable about whatever "it" is (whether it's the fact that you're pregnant, or heavy, or very tall, or in a wheelchair, or whatever). She said that self-effacing humor is "how we diffuse the audience's comments about us" and "stops them from judging us" -- which is what stops them from "listening to us." If you seem different from someone, but then ADDRESS that difference, what you're basically saying is "I'm in your head and know what you're thinking" (e.g., "see, I'm just like you!") -- which helps them "bridge the gap" instead of staying on "their side of the gap" where you are "different." If you're "different," often you will not be considered an "expert" or "listened to" as effectively -- even if it's something silly that makes you "different" like the way you look or that you are a different colored skin than they are, etc. If you address it right off, and make a little fun of it, they will laugh and then you're both on the "same side of the gap."

4. Come To Your Senses. When you are trying to get people to listen to you, or to come around to your way of thinking, you need to incorporate all the senses. Make speech a "sensory experience" -- this way listeners will not only remember you, but they will have actual "links" to remember your story/message, and will feel it at "every level." There are 5 senses -- some easier to incorporate than others:

a. Visual. Use props. Take a physical/emotional risk, and if you're talking about "this isn't worth a can of beans" have a can of beans. As she said, "Visual is more than just PowerPoint." (She, of course, doesn't use PowerPoint or computers at all -- because her "Big Schtick" is to be a loud, New York Jewish, over-the-top type -- and that "persona" doesn't go with someone who does PowerPoint.) She said that to get visuals into speeches, think metaphorically in terms of tangible things. Go over all your speeches and stories, then walk through a toy store and see what you can use as a prop. Use colors as an accent and as an anchor (e.g., pink= Mary Kay). Keep a common thread, and keep it "in sight."

b. Taste. If you are giving a talk, give out chocolate hearts if it's a "heart warming" speech -- or hot chocolate mix. Give out "Good and Plenty" candies and work "good" and "plenty" into your schtick. Give out chocolate money if you're talking about something that will "sweetly increase your abundance." Give out Tootsie rolls and then tell people "You're on a roll." You can have them on the tables if you are speaking to groups at round tables, or you can personally hand them out on the audience's way out. As an "inclusion" exercise, you could have a pile of M&Ms on a table and tell people to pick a color, and then to discuss why that "represents" them (and then of course they can eat them).

c. Sound: Her example was that at one point she had a "breaking the rules [barriers]" seminar, and she gave out rulers (with her name and number printed on both ends!). She made everyone break the "rulers" with a big 1-2-3 SNAP to signify that they were going to "break the rules" when they got out into The Real World after her talk. Then, of course, people also walk away with tangibles -- one of the people in the audience with us in fact raised his hand and said that he still had his up on his bulletin board at his office. She said "When was that speech?" and he answered,"About 6 years ago" Wow -- as she said, if you give people something to "tie in to" like that, it's "better than giving away a keychain" -- because they have something "invested" in that "2 cent object...which just happens to have your name on it." It's much harder to throw it away -- which is a secondary benefit and something that works for you.

She also always uses music tied into her entrance/exit, and then, if she has enough time, into her speech. People get emotionally tied back into the song. (She used "Hey Mikki" when she came in, and then "I've Had The Time Of My Life" when she was wrapping up -- the latter with a schmaltzy "You have been the best audience/I ~have~ had the time of my life" William-Shatneresque "talk" that she did over it -- but it actually did work.)

d. Touch: For her, this is the P-I-E-S cards. Could also be the ruler -- or laminated cards with your "mantra" on them (e.g., WYSIWYG, Yo!, etc.). She at one point gave away a rubber band and a marble, to represent "When you think you're losing your marbles, stay flexible."

e. Smell: This is tough, but do it if you can. For her, she uses PlayDough as a signature part of her speech, which has a very distinctive smell. Chocolate does too. As she pointed out -- when you pass Mrs Fields' Cookies in the mall, you are actually NOT smelling "freshly baked cookies" -- they pump out the SCENT of freshly baked cookies to reel you in. Scent is very important and if you can work it in, try.

Her final words:
Try something outrageous and uncomfortable for you.
Get in front of audiences and do things that give you that adrenaline/fear rush.
Be outrageous -- it's the only place that's not crowded.
There's never a traffic jam on the "extra mile" -- so go there.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

AND, if you've made it this far, what the heck, I have a new favorite CD to recommend, Bettye LaVette, "I Have My Own Hell To Raise." GO GRRRRL! :-)

Solitaire