Sensual Secrets

I did a Sensual Secrets seminar this weekend -- it's always interesting to me what women do and do not know with respect to their own sensual response.

I love doing these seminars. When I had the idea of "building a better world -- one Bond Grrl at a time," the first thing I realized I wanted to do was to find a way to teach about sensuality and sexuality to women -- in a non-clinical setting.

I have always been the "go-to grrlfriend" in things like this. I have no idea why. I was the grrl who never had a date in High School. (OK not quite true, I had a boyfriend senior year, but you get the idea.) I was pretty darned shy and also, being very tall (6'2"), often felt awkward.

I "fixed all this" when I went to college. There was a gal in the dorms who was just exactly what I wanted to be -- friendly, popular just "because you liked her," great boyfriend, good attitude, etc. So, I basically copied what she did. And I 'became' the person that I am now.

The most interesting part about that is that about 15 years later, our paths happened to cross -- and I told her about it. She couldn't believe it, as I was the Straight-A student, had gone on to become a lawyer, etc., and she (per her own words) had sort of "struggled through" school and was then working basically as a glorified secretary. She saw me as the "successful" one -- and I had to tell her it was all about following what I saw to be her "example." She was very emotional about it -- it was wild, I must admit.

But I know that feeling now, when I will teach a Sensual Secrets seminar, or talk with a coaching client, and have them come back later and say that some little thing I said or that they learned 'saved their marriage' or whatever. I always sort of take it as being hyperbole...but then again, maybe not, remembering my previous "self" and the "self" I am now.

One of the big things that I harp on with women is to really take charge of their own sensuality. On average, it takes women a LOT more time to get ready to "Be Ready" so to say than a man. I know that doesn't surprise you, but (without consulting my notes, from the top of my head), on average I think it's 23 minutes for a woman, and 4 for a man to be "Ready." The thing is, the biggest sex organ for a woman is....her BRAIN. This is so true. And so as a Bond Grrl, the most important thing to remember is that it is YOUR responsibility for decreasin' that 23 minutes time!

Some of us are less than that -- but some are way more. Again, that's the AVERAGE. So when I teach the Sensual Secrets class, I always start with teaching about lotions, gels, and the like -- because a woman's main sensual sense is TOUCH, and she can get herself to "move down that 23 minutes" by just taking a sensual shower!

When we are getting ready to go out with our James, I have seen you (grin) -- you JUMP in the shower (because you're "late") -- scrub, scrub, scrub-a-dub, and you're back out in 5 minutes, slap on some lotion or cologne, rub rub, then....where are my pantyhose?? Rush rush rush. The thing is, with just a little more time (I'm not talking about being in the shower for an hour, could just be an extra 5 minutes -- but 5+5 is 10 and you're 1/2 way to 23!), you can be "luxurious" in there -- you can touch every part of your body and say 'thank you" for it being there. I think I've mentioned this before, but you also want to use beauty products that aren't harmful to your skin -- so no SLS (Sodium Laureth Sulfate or Sodium Laurel Sulfate) in there!

I read an article written by a black belt the other day, which really stuck with me. It talked about how when we have an illness, or when we're fat, etc., how we send "hate" to our bodies. We "hate" that sickness or illness or fat, etc. What he said, was to look at it at a cellular level. Your little cells in your body are DYING for you. They are DYING to save you when you are sick -- they give 100% of their lives, against that illness. Or when you are heavy, those cells are protecting you. Often we get fat because we are upset, and we eat more, and those cells gather up those calories to "pad" us against all that external upset.

What he said was to not look at the negative part -- to spend at least a part of the day thanking those cells that are giving their lives for you when you are sick -- because to THEM, their entire existence -- which is the smallest part of you -- is GONE to save the bigger you. Same with the fat cells -- if you project hate on them, they hang in there because WOW, there is some nasty hateful energy out there, we better protect the bigger body from that! So you thank them for protecting you, and it's all right now, time to go.

I loved this. I started practicing this on my cat scratch fever leg -- that all those cells are fighting against the bacteria, etc. that hurt my leg. I started thinking about it -- every single one of those cells has the entire DNA for the entire "me" in them. So, in reality, each of them is "me" just at a tiny tiny level. And they gave their 100% lives to save the bigger "me." So I started doing the thank you thing.

I also need to lose some weight -- and the thanking the fat cells thing is a bit harder when you're putting on the jeans and the "back fat" is gooshing out the back. But I do believe it's true -- I know I eat when I feel stressed and that the world is tough. So by "talking to" these cells, explaining how much I appreciate them doing their job but it's time to go -- I am sort of convincing myself, too.

Anyway (how did I get off the Sensual Secrets topic??) -- so the deal is that a woman wants to lower her 23 minutes by touching HERSELF (not so much "sexually" as "luxuriously" -- e.g., "wow you are so HOT" (smile)) -- and then just feel "smooth" and "sexy."

The trick I teach women in the class is to then have a 'game' with their James (especially if it's a relationship that has stood the test of time....in other words, an older relationship where you're looking for something new). A woman's #1 sense is TOUCH, but a man's is SIGHT (and a man likes to have a goal). So, what you do is take some Passion Powder (I sell this on my website www.passionESQ.com -- I can't recommend any other one b/c they often contain sugar, which can cause a yeast infection, and some of them stain, mine doesn't). And you apply that Passion Powder to 4 places on your body -- and you tell him it's in 5. You tell him he can only use his tongue (oh!) and he has to find those places. And of course, you put it places he doesn't NORMALLY go for -- maybe the inside of your ankle, or the back of your knee. THEN, you blindfold your gorgeous Bond grrl self, and you lie down and get comfy.

Because if you are blindfolded, he gets permission to just STARE at your body -- which he adores! And when we are "stared at," even if we are feeling hot, you know what we do -- we start thinking "woah...wonder if he can see my back fat." Yes, we do! So if you are blindfolded, you get to let him STARE, and he has a GOAL, too! (To find those spots!) When he does, you moan and groan and let him know what a good job he is doing! Of course, he is touching you all over, so your 23 minutes are zooming down to zero!

AND, you put it in 4 places and told him it was in 5 -- and told him to "go slow baby"....so he keeps searching and searching...and when you are ready, you can just say to him "you know, let's find that last one next time."

Good game, huh? I love that one. And it works for both sexes, playing on their STRENGTHS.

That's what it's all about!

I guess it's time to get some work done!

xxx S