Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
- Benjamin Franklin
I have been thinking a lot about "listening" these days. I think that being a "good listener" is something that has really gone out of fashion -- everyone just seems to listen to get a "tag" upon which to hang their own experience. It's as if people listen-listen-listen but don't really HEAR anything...waiting, waiting...waiting until EUREKA!...they get something they can vomit back their own experience onto the speaker.
I think that in its nicest form, this is just a version of trying to be "empathetic" -- to try to indicate to the speaker that "I'm in this with you." But in reality, I think that a lot of it is trying to be "seen" -- a "me, too" response, maybe even one-ups-manship.
I have also been thinking about asking questions. I was in the Emergency Room last night (don't ask, yes, I was a patient), and as I was there hanging around on the end of an IV for a while, I had quite a bit of time to sort of stare into space and contemplate things such as these. Someone once said to me that I know more about people than anyone else they know. But I think it's because I ask questions, and am really genuinely interested in the answers.
I am also not afraid to ask questions -- fairly personal ones in fact. (Sometimes very personal.) I figure the question-ee can just tell me to buzz off if they don't want to answer -- but usually, they do want to answer.
The nurse that I had last night was a guy named Fred. I happened to ask him (as he was dressing my wounds) what he had done before he was a nurse. Turns out Fred had owned and been the head baker for 20 years at Bread and Chocolate. This bakery is where my dad used to go every Friday, to bring home "treats" for the family for Saturday. When I mentioned this and described my dad, he TOTALLY remembered him. I thought he was shining me on, until he mentioned that dad was always kind, well-dressed (that could all be just a general "fake" of course), but "always had the best matching ties/bowties and suspenders." That's my dad! It was fun to hear lots and lots of wonderful things about my padre from Fred, the big rough-looking (very "baker-y" actually) nurse in E.R.
By finding that "connection," I think that I was given far better "service" (either that, or Fred is just the Nurse From God). I also found out some fantastic information, just be being friendly -- turns out his mother was in the Marines, and was the one who actually received the information that the Japanese had surrendered. He got all teary-eyed (this is a big, rough looking guy!) when talking about "Mom" (who is still alive). This came up because we were trying to find out when I had gotten my last tetanus shot -- and I said it was likely when I was in the Marines.
I love making those sorts of connections. I just love people. And I think people can "sense" that.
OK I was going to write more, but feeling rather faint -- time to nap I think :-)
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2 comments:
Hey there, glad you like it. You actually seem to be a "real" comment, not one of the "spam" ones. I might be wrong, but here we go :-) "James" just means your man. My thesis (and what this Blog is about) is that Bond girls (as in, women from the James Bond movies) have a certain kind of alluring, savvy, attainable "something" that I feel all women can attain. It's a combo of being feminine + empowered (e.g., fEmpowerment).
In the very beginning of the blog (think it was October, you can click on the October postings if you are curious) I talked about this -- how I see so many women who are "business women" not able to turn it off when they get home....who think they will become "Doormats" to their "James" (men) if they are "supportive." It's really my thesis that this is not true at all -- as in, take a look at the Bond girls in the James Bond movies (particularly the early ones -- like Dr No and Goldfinger) -- where these amazing ~business~ women are "supportive" of his mission (in fact, they are integral to it), but they aren't the ones going out with guns blazing (a la Terminator, Lara Croft, and movies like that). All of them have their own lives and businesses (Pussy Galore owns a flying circus, Octopussy a circus, Honey Rider collects shells and sells them, etc.) -- he drops in, they make a choice to be with him, and though he "drops back out" again, THEY are the powerful ones.
I discussed this with some friends (women) who all said "no WAY, the Bond girls are all these bimbos that James Bond beds." And so I went out and rented and then ultimately bought all the movies -- and realized that they are dead wrong. So, this blog is somewhat all about using them as an analogy to improving your life -- step by step -- in a way where you can 'unleash' your inner Bond girl, or grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrl as I like to say it.
Does that help?
Best,
Solitaire
PS: Oprah is my idol. You totally made my day.
Postscript: WOW, I was wrong when I said "October" above, I've been at this since August. Doggone! That's amazing. Anyway -- that's where the first posts are -- you can scroll down and click to them, on the bottom right hand side.
Wish I could do things like put in links, photos, etc. -- but just not enough time. So it's all just writing writing writing!
Solitaire
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