Twenty Minutes

I'd like to suggest a little homework assignment here. I'd like to suggest that every day (ok, fine, for your real push-backers, 3 days/week to start), that you give your unabashed and devoted attention to your James.

WHAT, say you? HE has to go FIRST!

Man, grow up Princess.

I am so sick and tired of this Princess mentality. It seems as if every time I suggest this "20 minute" thing, that women get all snotty about the idea. I think that's tragic.

20 minutes is probably about the time you take out of your day to go get coffee. And what I'm suggesting is that you devote it to the "man you love" (supposedly). And UNRESERVEDLY -- e.g., without requiring "something back" (or "something first").

Women tell me that: (a) he will require more and more and then they will be doormats; (b) he has to go first, they give enough already; (c) why should she always be the one to give all the time...wake up.

I bet you really don't particularly give, specifically to your James, at all.

Yeah OK fine, shoot me. But I bet it's true. Do you sit down, make him comfortable, really listen to him, make light conversation, etc.? Or do you slam the dinner on the table resentfully and yell at him to take out the garbage?

Could you just give him a break for 20 minutes?

You're the only one in his life that will do this. Your grrlfriends "have you back" -- he likely has no one.

And I'm just sick and tired, Princess, of hearing that he should "go first" or you should 'get something from it.' What I'm talking here is UNCONDITIONAL giving -- giving for giving's sake. Giving because it increased the happiness in the world, by one guy.

I don't believe that he's going to "wring you dry and walk all over you, asking for more and more." Why? Because the men I see are generally doormatted constantly. Yeah fine, so tell me your guy is not like that -- that's not what I see in my surroundings. These guys are doing so much for their Princesses and getting so, so little. And the Princess is constantly saying "oh, well, if I do anything well, an inch will lead to a yard!" B.S. The Princess just doesn't want to.

And the "he has to go first" thing is also just ridiculous. Grow up. Don't you know that if you are happy and giving, that this will bring more of it to you? I hear you, that you "give and give and give" and "no one supports you." Yeah yeah. You and all my other girlfriends. Stop complaining. Give 20 minutes to your James, and you know WHAT? You will get more than that back. But right now, I bet that he feels pretty downtrodden, because no one takes care of HIM (he doesn't "treat himself" to a mani/pedi now and again, or just have coffee and chats with his friends, I bet -- if he "spends money on himself" it's something manly like golf, that winds up blowing his ego even more.)

I think that women get married to men, and then do their best to do as little as possible to keep them. It's that chase/catch mentality. If you were to honestly look at things from your James' eyes, would you want to stay with you? Would you REALLY? Why?

I'd like to know what you do to make your James' life SPECIFICALLY great. And we're not talking the things that you are doing because YOU want to (like pick up the clothes off the floor -- because he doesn't care, YOU do. So this is not "for him"). Get him a martini when he comes home? A little glass of wine? Ask him for his advice on something and then LISTEN TO IT? Smile? With your eyes? Leave him a little love note on his bed? Pack him a lunch?

No? So why should he stay with you? You say you "give him a clean house and wonderful kids" -- does he really care? Does this have to do with him, SPECIFICALLY? Um, no. These are likely things that YOU wanted. You make dinner every night and he "doesn't appreciate it"? That's because you're doing it for you (not for him).

I really don't believe that women are "taken for granted" as much as their Princessly Selves think that they are. I just think that they believe they should be waited on hand and foot, and not have to do a thing for it. I think this is an epidemic, and I think it's tragic. Hey, I'm GLAD I'm a woman "this time around" -- being a man would just SUCK. Think about it. Once more -- all those things that you keep saying you "do for him" are VERY LIKELY for YOU (clean house, etc. -- it's because YOU care, not because he does). Now, if you really are feeling brave, think about what you do (ever) that is specifically for him, to make him feel great, because it's something you know that he'd love and will ease his life a little.

I know no one reads this blog, but I just think that the Princess thing is another reason our world is falling apart -- yeah, fine, dramatic, but who cares. I think though women keep saying that they are "doing everything for everyone" (another silly thing -- e.g., filling their lives with things where they will get kudos or where they can be martyrs), it's not really true.

My two cents, of course.