Revenge is a Female Emotion..and other thoughts

Last night, I had a tete-a-tete with my good friend Sharyn. We met in massage school, and I just love it when she comes over. We have these amazing conversations. They are so uplifting -- they are so "Bond Grrlish." No complaining. All about how the Universe really delivers (or, if it doesn't, it's really us getting in the way of it). The best bit is, like me, she's a skeptic and not a "whoo-whoo new ager" -- which makes the fact that she has become my "manifestation buddy" all the more fun. We both have a "one-eyebrow-raised" outlook at the fact we seem to be manifesting thick and fast these days -- when we get out of our own way.

Sharyn is British, so has a different outlook than a number of my friends -- but not so different than that found through the paternal side of my family. I think the "stiff upper lip" thing implanted right into New England (where my dad's from) and sprouted and flourished. I also lived in England for a while, and so really understand and appreciate the mindset.

The other thing I really admire is that Sharyn chose early in life not to drink alcohol -- so though I might have a glass of wine that I nurse through our "sessions," they wind up being very pointed, animated, "non-boozy" sessions, which is so refreshing. I'm kinda amazed at how often it "takes a glass of wine" for people to really gut into big topics.

There were a couple things that came out of our conversation yesterday that I wanted to sneak over to the table and write down as she said them -- which of course is a bit of a "flow-breaker" (laugh). So I'm trying to remember them now. And of course I have like 4 minutes to write them down before another friend comes over so I will write and elaborate later.

1. Revenge is a Female Emotion. This had to do with our discussion of the ex-wives of the last two boyfriends Sharyn has had -- who have been "pampered housewives" and then (in one case) had affairs because "bored" (think Desperate Housewives) and/or just started whining about how "stuck" she was. Then, when the husband decided that he couldn't take it any more (as in each case he was fully supporting the woman -- and then coming home to her b*tching about her "life" and then no sex, dinner, clean house for him from her...), the wife(s) went "revengeful" -- writing to the ex-inlaws, all sorts of things like that. Manipulative, revengeful, cold, nasty. We discussed how this "emotion" seems to really be a female one -- guys just don't seem to be able to "hold onto" that cold, smouldering "nasty" revenge-ful emotion like women do. Wonder why?

2. You can really only "help" yourself -- that's your job in this world. She talked about how in both cases, the guys felt that their lot in life was to "help others." But they really felt empty, drained -- that no one was "helping them back." She made the point, in both cases, that your job here in this life is to be HAPPY, and only YOU can make yourself that. And though you might think that you can "be happy" doing things that are hurtful to others, that in reality, if you "gut check" those things, they really don't make you feel that good. (E.g., "it will make me happy to have this affair" -- does it, really? Gut check.) She really has almost counselled both these guys (one an ex-boyfriend, the other her current) about how their job is to be congruent inside and out, and to feel happy WITHOUT anyone else. Because the deal here is that if you need "someone else to feel happy" (e.g., you "only feel happy when making others feel happy"), then you're really a victim. Huh? Yes, really -- because you are not the "master" here -- someone else has to "be there" for you to feel the "Happy emotion" -- you don't embody it yourself. So that means that you are a "victim" to the other people, who are "masters" holding the "key" to your happiness. Sounds backwards but it's true -- if to be happy you have to "give" then what you're basically saying is that they are less than whole -- that they need to "take from you" to be "happy" themselves. That's wrong as well. Each person needs to be self-congruent, and do things that make them feel "happy" -- and then meet everyone else in their lives at that "plane." It's critical to realize that being "selfless" really says that other people "need you" to be happy -- which takes away their power.

Need to go,. but need to explore this a bit more.