Laughter: The Best Weapon

I wrote to my Baby Bond Grrl Mica this evening, about a "situation" she was having.

Basically, she is smarter (and prettier I might add -- HELLO, beautiful!) for the job that she has right now. She has applied for another job, that more fits her expertise. She is facing some women in her current position (none of whom could move ahead, because they don't have that education/etc. -- and maybe not the drive either), who are "dissing" her.

She finds out from one person, that another is saying things about her that aren't true. She is afraid that her potential "new boss" will hear about them, and attribute these things to her.

What to do?

The first thing is to call the potential "new boss" right away and leave a voicemail (she never answers her phone) stating that she wants to "answer any potential issues" that might have come up with respect to her "fit for her new job." (She should own it as hers). Then, as she has "not gotten a hold of" the boss (and sounds very light, friendly), she can follow up with an email just asking the same thing.

A voicemail (or in-person visit) is always "friendlier" (and harder to dismiss) than an email. Email, though it's certainly the way that ~I~ personally communicate most!, is not very "personal" or "friendly" (meaning, you can ignore it easier). Even if someone doesn't answer a voicemail, that's "you" there, sounding cheerful, bright and light. You're a person. In an email, you're whatever they decide you are -- they can hear your "voice" however they are feeling "about you" at that moment (which might be colored by gossip, by their bad lunch, etc).

But when it comes to dealing with people that are "diss'ing" you, this is my biggest hint -- LAUGH. When you hear that someone is saying "bad stuff" about you, it hurts. I know. Been there. But the thing to do when you hear it from a third party is just to LAUGH at it -- I mean, a REAL laugh. (Come on now, you're a Bond grrl, you can act right? (smile).) If someone where to say that you ate guinea pigs or that they caught you on a postcard doing the nasty with a donkey or something (I just heard you say OH, can she WRITE THAT? I just did!) -- what would you do? Would you get all "huffy" and "belligerent" and "defensive"? My guess (ok unless these sound close to home and you didn't want me to find out (smile)) is that you would just LAUGH them off. You'd smile, laugh, roll your eyes, say "man, can you BELIEVE that?" And you would be DONE giving energy to it. Because it would just be that crazy.

And when it got back to the "gossiper" what you did -- it takes their power away. The "intermediary" has some sort of agenda, even if they "say they want to be your friend" -- they are somehow in that "frenemy" category. They want to see what happens when they tell you what's being said. They are getting some sort of car-wreck thrill. But if you don't give any juice to the gossip -- if you laugh about it and then (key, hard part!) you DON'T PUT ANY MORE ENERGY INTO IT -- guess what? It will start stopping.

It's hard to do. Believe me, I know. I'm not that good at this! But it gets easier if you practice it. The thing is, if what they are saying is actually not true, and you know it is, make it WAY MORE "untrue" (the guinea pig or donkey variety) and hold that picture, and roll your eyes and laugh at it and treat it that way. Don't start getting down, obsessing about "what people think," or being defensive. Because those are "victim positions" that let the gossipper be your "master." They are running YOUR emotions, your insides, your stomach. If the stories were just a little more outrageous, they would not -- because you would just say "pffffft no WAY" and laugh and basically say "hey, thanks for letting me know, but you know what? That's just trash" and move on.

By being defensive/obsessing/etc., we add "energy" to that ball of negatives. Which means, it gives power to the other side. And they can get stronger "off you" for it.

So if something is going on and you think it might be damaging because people will BELIEVE IT and somehow it will affect your life, then go to the place you think might be affected (that's all you care about anyway) and "beard the lion in its den" as they say -- but strongly, powerfully. If that person believes the trash, and you lose a job, or a friend, or a lover -- well, there you go. It wasn't an energetic match for you. (Imagine you GET a job where a boss doesn't believe in you, but believes trash about you. Do you really want it, no matter how good it looks? Maybe not). And if something is going on and you think that it really will NOT be damaging because people will NOT believe it, or if the people who believe it don't mean ANYTHING TO YOU -- then laugh.

I'm old now (40-something). And this is one thing I have learned. There are always more friends out there. In fact, there are so many people that want to be your friend, that there are not enough hours to spend quality time with all of them. That is a fact. Similarly, there are a bunch of great jobs out there. If you take the effort and the risk, they are waiting for you. The Universe is a loving and a giving place. Let it be so.