Look at your life...

What would happen if you died right now? How's about in 3 weeks?

Yeah yeah, I know that "imagining" these sorts of things are the stuff of lots of self-help books, etc. But how often do we really ACT on what we imagine?

We had a friend over this weekend. I've spoken about her before -- she lost her fiance to cancer VERY quickly (like, about 3 weeks after they found it). There were other "complications" in that it wasn't the "cancer that killed him," it was his lung collapsing (he'd been a lifelong smoker), etc. -- but that's not the issue here.

She's now having to deal with what he "left behind" -- from the vindictive ex-wife, to his clothes, to his business (which was a mess), etc.

How are you "leaving" your life?

Are you in a position where (like my friend's fiance) there isn't enough to pay the bills (by a longshot), where your life is kinda a wreck? I would have to say that mine's not exactly neat and organized (well, it is in a way, it's all in boxes in my James' garage...!), but compared to his -- Whew!!

Do you have "secrets" that are going to come out? Her fiance did -- and some were not so good. I guess he had an idea that he could "clean up his life" before he passed. What about you?

It's time to look at these things -- whether it's debt, whether it's trashy emails you might have sent out (when was the last time you cleaned out your "Deleted" or "Sent" messages)...what-evah. Don't make your loved ones "change their opinion of you" because you're too lazy (yes, I said it -- lazy, not "busy") to clean up your life.

What does this mean? Here are a few examples from my life -- they might not work for you, but who knows?

1. Sent email. When you send an email, likely a copy goes into your "Sent" folder. This might be a great list if you ever go back to it -- but do you?? If you do NOT, it's just a time bomb waiting to happen. If you're ever sued, they can "subpoena" your email -- and there is everything you ever said, going back forever.

Solution: When I know I want to keep something I say, I "bcc" myself on the message. This gives me a copy back in my "Inbox," which I then file in a folder for the client. I actually went in last month, and turned OFF the thing in Outlook that saves a copy of every email that I send -- because it takes up a ton of room, number one, and number two, we all KNOW that no matter how we try not to, we wind up with emails where we say something a bit off color, or a bit mean (especially responding to our Maxine-type friends!), or whine a little, etc. -- and that is now WAITING for your loved ones to find if you were to pass away. So be brave -- turn off the option that saves a copy of your Sent Mail -- and "send yourself" a copy of whatever you really are going to want to keep. As a correlary of this, take a gander at your Sent Mail box -- look down at the bottom left corner. How many emails are in there?? There might be thousands. You can "bulk delete" them (holding shift on the first, and then scrolling through and clicking on the last -- it will highlight them all and then you can delete). Even if you do, this will just send those emails to your "Deleted" folder -- so you get one more chance.... :-)

2. Deleted Mail: Every quarter (so, every 3 months), I start at the bottom of my "Deleted mail" and I delete anything older than 3 months old. This means I am sort of using the Deleted folder as an extra failsafe "filing box" (in case I delete something and then OOPS I need it back). But by having a note (I have it pop up in my Outlook) to delete these emails every 3 months, I know that this folder is relatively clean.

3. Inbox: I try to keep my Inbox to 50 message or fewer. What about you? Inboxes are supposed to be messages that you are DEALING WITH. If you have more than 50 in there, I ~know~ that you're lyin' when you say that they are all active (laugh). If you want to "save" something in your Inbox, then make other file folders "under" your Inbox (this is not hard to do -- if you don't know how, a friend can show you). And you can file away things like "jokes," or the like. But again -- if something is in your Inbox that you haven't touched for (let's say) a month, what is it really doing in there anyway? We all say we are going to "do something with" the stuff in our Inboxes -- but if it's a joke, etc., come on now, everyone gets too many of those anyway. Be brave, delete'em. And make your Inbox what it's "supposed" to be -- stuff you're dealing with now.

This is just your email! I feel pretty confident that there is stuff in your closet, drawers, etc. that is the same way -- and again, we are all too "tired" to deal with it. But believe me -- the whole "dying with this stuff on ya" idea is just not so great. No joke, people change their opinion of you after your death, depending on what messes you leave. My friend's fiance was a wonderful, wonderful man -- but a messy man, and a man that did some things that perhaps were not so great. (For example, websites he might have visited, let's just leave it at that.) In now facing a vindictive ex-wife, my friend had to "pry" through his computer...which means she found some things she didn't really want to know. (Not hugely bad, but let's just say that "men will be men" and it tarnished him for her in a way, which is really super sad in my opinion.)

The thing about Bond grrls is that they have "secrets." But they have these "secrets" inside themselves. They don't have trails of trash sticking to their high heels, dogging them and following them around. What would happen if, right now today, you were to Poof! be gone? What would your relatives, your James, your kids find? Are you happy about it?

If not, that stuff is toxic, it's dogging you. It's time to set aside just a small amount every week -- but put it IN YOUR CALENDAR -- to start cleaning up your act. You can have secrets -- sure, that's part of your Allure! -- but not ones that can be found out and tarnish you.

Time to clean it up, Bond grrl................

PS: One of the things that I did when I was moving out of my house was to go through my old desk -- and to throw out/recycle or burn ALL of my old diaries. I know people keep these. But why? I really thought about it, and do I want to "re-visit" what was going on in my high school days? I actually paged through, cut out some pages where I had written about something that was really funny that happened to me (I can be pretty funny when I want). So now I have a pile of about 15 pages of stories -- versus a box of diaries/etc. I ruthlessly went through all the "dust catchers" like this -- because you have to face it sometime. Again, if you were to die tomorrow, do you want someone else going through all that stuff? And your period panties? (WOAH did I say that? Ouch!) And finding your secret stash of candies/whatever, when you told everyone you were losing weight? Or what-ev-ah? All of this is weighing you down, though you don't really think about it.

IT IS TIME TO GET CONGRUENT, get your LIFE to be where YOU are or want to be. And let's start with all this crap.

Solitaire