Flow of Consciousness At The End of August...

So, where are we in this general flow of consciousness with respect to Bond grrls?

Bond grrls are not cardboard cut-outs with great figures. They each have a very specific character – and a specific attitude towards life. Bond grrls can drive a manual car, they are in shape enough to keep up with Bond (though you generally never “see them sweat”!) – and you know that they would be able to dance without that annoying “Oh, I don’t know how to…!” protest.

Bond grrls have an easy presence. They are not know-it-alls…they leave that up to Bond. They have free will, and though they might be in a pinch when Bond meets them, they are never “victims.”

Bond grrls are “fully formed.” A Bond grrl doesn’t “need” a man – he walks into her life and takes part (or not), but he needs her, whereas she doesn’t “need” him.

So how to go about getting this “Bond grrl attitude”? That will be the subject of the entries to come. It’s my honest feeling that changing your behavior changes how you feel – and by changing how you feel, you change everything. Sometimes it’s just a small step – Paul Kyriazi, in his book “How To Life The James Bond Lifestyle,” starts out his nascent Bonds with the purchase of a money clip and a new watch. We will discuss “taking steps” very literally – in other words, changing the way you walk – to more figurative steps toward changing your life.

Interestingly, many many women with whom I have discussed the ‘Bond grrl’ concept balk at the idea. It is mainly business women who get downright “huffy” (to use my father’s word) at the whole premise. They feel that I am advocating a “2nd class citizen status” when I say that Bond grrls are “#1 at being #2.” On the contrary – I am advocating that women ‘get over themselves’ – as often pointed out by Dr. Laura – and in doing so, reclaim their power – hence, my trademark term, fEmpowerment.

I recently saw Dr. Wayne Dyer on public television, and he highlighted this issue for me. Dr. Dyer’s position was that everyone should go through life with the question “How may I serve?” topmost in their minds. To paraphrase, he stated that it’s beyond time for everyone to take their sights off what's “in it for them,” and instead to concentrate on what they can do to help others. He explained that giving begets giving – so when you shift from “what can I have” to “what can I give,” the Universe concentrates on giving to you. It’s not about being a “servant” – it’s about being in service. If you take this seriously (think about the head butler in the movie “Gosford Park”) you are a professional, and you are quietly indispensable. Things will not be able to run without you – though the whole point is that you don’t need to point this out every chance you get. You take pleasure from the smoothly oiled machine – from knowing that your part is important, perhaps even more important than the “man at the top” or the CEO.

To me, a big part of this is getting out in front of your life. You want to act “as if” you are already the luscious Bond grrl that is inside. This does not mean acting “as if” you have a million dollars by spending it – that’s a great way to get beaten up on the Suze Orman Show! No, what I mean here is something more along the lines of the phrase “Fake it ‘til you Make it.”I am not advocating that you become a “fake.” Instead, what I’m advocating that you act “as if” you have all the attributes that you desire – not by running up your credit card, but instead by “exuding” the personality characteristics that you will, ultimately, embody.

If you don’t feel abundant, for example, you can practice the “Money Game” advocated by Abraham Hicks in their book “Ask And It Is Given”: Start with an actual checkbook and checks – and for 30 days, write out checks for what you would purchase for yourself with $100, adding $100 each day. So the first day, you buy $100 worth of whatever you like. The next day, $200. And so on. The idea here is to get in the habit of not holding onto money so tightly – to feel “magnanimous” with that money. And remember – these purchases should be in furtherance of your awesome Bond grrl self.

Another exercise in abundance, which Paul Kyriazi mentions in his book, was suggested to George Hamilton when he, as a young and impoverished actor, needed to act the part of a millionaire. When he said he didn’t know how to “act that part,” his director stated something along the lines of: “Take a few $100 out of the bank, and carry it around in your pocket. Don’t spend it, just carry it – and look around and see all the things you could buy if you wanted, touching that money in your pocket.” Hamilton stated that cashing out those bills and carrying them around made him stand straighter – really changed the way he “walked through life.” And that’s the idea here.

Or if you want a relationship and don’t have one, start acting “as if” you do. Create a virtual reality in your mind about a wonderful dinner that you will have with your honey – what you will take about, what you will eat, etc. Don’t concentrate on your lack – you want to concentrate on making room in your life for this relationship, and all the great things that it will contain. I once heard that we get “hung up on reality” – and I think that’s true. You can change your reality just by the way you act.

I remember hearing, I think again from Wayne Dyer, an analogy about a boat. He said that the wake of a boat is the trail that it leaves behind – but if you look at it and didn’t know that the boat is driving the wake, it could look like the wake is “pushing” the boat. His point was that you can “make the wake” in your mind and “imagine” you have the boat to drive it – and ultimately, the energy that you’re putting out will resonate to “deliver” a boat to you to drive that wake you are producing.

Dyer also used a quote from St Francis of Assisi (patron saint of my town of San Francisco) as an example: “Make me a channel of Your peace…” His explanation was that, when you surrender and let go of “how” something is supposed to happen, the Universe conspires with you to get it to you. The Universe is the eternal “yes man” as it were – and as Dyer said, you want to “have no doubts” that whatever it is that you are passionate about could work – because with the feeling behind it, “it always works.” The idea is not to “pray for things” – that resonates that you lack them – it’s instead to really dream about and thank the Universe for the amazing life that is “coming to you” – and then let it deliver.

Dyer also said that it really helps you get into the right resonating “groove” when you want something more for others than for yourself – if you “think from the end,” about how what you want will benefit others. For example, just upgrading your “look” and how you act (relaxed confidence) will inspire and uplift others, even if you’re just walking through the Mall. If you meet people’s eyes and smile, that smile is infectious – I have tried this, believe me, it really works. Be the person you want to attract, because everything shows up that you “match” the resonance for, and always at the right time. If you find yourself out of “synch” then it’s not anyone else’s “fault,” it’s just that you’re not resonating at the energetic level that will attract whatever it is that you are looking for.

As an independent contractor, I can certainly attest to the fact that it seems that I get work “out of the blue” on either days that I have “decided” to take a day off (versus “not having any work to do”) or days that I already have a lot on my plate! It’s not the days I am worrying and thinking “woe is me, I will never be able to pay my mortgage.” Again, if you relax into things and keep positive, everything will come to you. An analogy I once heard is that Abundance is like sand – if you want to have a big pile of sand, you just open up your hands and let it pour in…when you try to “grab” the sand and “hold it,” you retain nothing.

Part of being “positive” and “attractive” to this resonance is choosing your life because it makes you happy – not because it makes your mother happy, or your husband happy, or anyone else. Though you want to nurture those who mean something to you, you want to look and pick carefully – avoid the energy vampires out there!

So what does this mean? Stop trying to change yourself and work on understanding yourself. Create from the inside, out: Be inspired by your feelings to behave differently – DON’T try to be motivated by your behavior to feel better. This means getting the feeling right first, then the actions will come to you. Your job is to “resonate” with whatever you passionately desire (abundance, joy, etc.) and to create a little “virtual reality” where you really can feel yourself in this state – and then wait for the Universe to deliver it to you. As my friend Susan Bremer said in a “bumper sticker moment,” ‘Stay in the Now, Get Out of the ‘How.’’ In other words – stay present, feel, and resonate your Bond grrl self – and don’t get caught up in “how” whatever it is that you are resonating and concentrating on will happen. Then the Universe gets free rein on how to deliver it to you.

And if you have been very careful in picking who is in your life, you can also concentrate on being “in service” – in giving them what they need - not having them in your life to give you what YOU need. Though Bond girls provide Bond with what he needs, he, in return, gives them what THEY need in that moment. Some of this comes down to just understanding “relationship” – it seems to me that people these days don't understand how to be “in relationship” with one another - they only give what they want to get, or they only give “to” get. Remember, married or not, you have “relationships” – and if you don't, maybe it's because you aren't educated how to have a good one. A relationship takes concentrated effort – you can't be a good friend to too many people because a good relationship takes work, effort, and time, and you should have it so that each of you gives back to the other in an energetic, uplifting way.

One of the things I can’t stress enough is not to hold grudges in relationships. I saw a bumper sticker the other day that said: “Why take life so seriously? It isn’t permanent.” That sums it up. Stop holding onto negative thoughts and grudges – just surrender; let go. You need, again, to be that person and resonate that energy you want to attract – and that’s not someone holding a grudge that “they’re not going to make their husband’s dinner because he didn’t take out the garbage,” or being huffy because a husband doesn’t ask about their day when he comes home from a hard day at work himself. Your job should be to make others feel wonderful – and in that, feel wonderful yourself. And I tell you, like that smile in the Mall – the more you spread that feeling around, the more you will get it back.

Well, that’s enough for this morning.