Bond Grrl Thoughts For Today...

Maryam d’Abo (Bond Grrl in The Living Daylights) in Bond Girls Are Forever stated: “Being a Bond Girl was about celebrating my femininity. It was about being independent enough to stand alongside James Bond and all his history. It was also about being secure enough in who I was and enjoying the label of being a 'Bond Girl.'”

Many films feature exotic locations, but the Bond films present them in a particularly seductive way. One of the reasons is that Bond is invariably entering the Bond grrl's world. Bond is therefore an interloper -- his "job" is to bring the audience into that world. All of these locations are presented in a clean, opulent way. These women don’t live in a little studio a couple of streets from a factory. They are serenely "present" in a world that we want to live in. And so, as the audience, we get to explore exotic locales and other cultures because that is where the Bond grrl makes her home. Sure -- James has a "mission" there -- but don't forget, that means he's "in and out" -- he doesn't live there. The Bond grrls do.

"James Bond" is really a caricature, though often I hear men label the Bond women that way. He is the mythic "hero" -- the alpha-male who is suave and seemingly impossible to resist. Interestingly, those women who do resist Bond's initial advances are merely compelling Bond to pay attention -- and to rise to their standards. As such, these Bond women become a representation of true irresistibility. Though they are not "number one" in the story line, which revolves around the "hero," they actually are indispensible (they are "number one at being number two"). They are therefore the latest version of the women who have always appeared in myths, helping (or, in the case of the "bad" Bond grrls, thwarting) the hero on his Quest.

To me, the defining characteristic of a Bond grrl is that she is completely in charge of her life, without being either "alpha" or what I would call "butch" about it. The term that we have coined for this is 'fEmpowerment' -- being feminine, while also being empowered in that femininity. Bond grrls are icons to personal freedom without being bitchy, self-centered, biting, whiny, or controlling. They don't "use" their femininity in a calculating way -- by being feminine, self-assured, and aware, they just know that things will go their way.

Let me tell you a short story. I have a friend who recently got divorced. She is a very high-powered business woman. She is now on the dating scene, for the first time since college (which was definitely a while back!) When she started going out on the "dating circuit" as it were, men would ask her what she did . . . and she would tell them. They would then ask more questions, and she would tell them more about her high-powered life. The men would then offer their stories about their own high-powered lives in "sympathy." And after these "great conversations," she could never understand why she didn't get any second dates.

Bond grrls are running their own businesses too. They run the airshows, the circuses, fishing boats, and the like. But I, for one, certainly can’t imagine a Bond grrl sitting home without a date on Friday night because her femininity and allure was "blunted" by the talk about her latest negotiation conquest or other alpha characteristics. This does not mean that she doesn't have these attributes -- she just understands that they are not "who she is." They are "what she does." Who she is is much, much more interesting. This is somewhat of an aside, and a topic that I plan to take up in another post but please . . . if asked by a "James" what you do for a living, there is going to be lots and lots of time (if you decide to "keep him") to get to how great you are. The deal here is to be a brilliant conversationalist . . . by (you guessed it!) getting him to talk about himself!! And remember -- you aren't your job. It's just something that you do. Right? Right?

All "Jameses" like to show their prowess in the "minutae" or "statistics" of life -- if it's not baseball scores, then it's the precise vintage of the precise brand of champagne. I can relate another instance with another friend (who doesn't seem to have a lot of male companionship) where she might do well to study the Bond grrls. She is quite knowledgeable about wine -- and lets everyone know about it. Perhaps it's just "nerves" that bring out this "show off" personality -- but it's definitely a turn off. And thinking back on the Bond women, though it's quite likely that they know quite a bit about the vintage of wine and such subjects, even if offered, they do not "choose the wine." They leave the minutae to the Jameses who enjoy it. After all, why worry? Know what you like and what you don't like in broad terms -- but allow yourself to be pampered and don't be a know-it-all.

I guess that this is just another way of saying that Bond grrls don't come up with ways to second-guess their James' choice (how deflating is that to the male ego) . . . or "monopolize" the conversation. What is "monopolizing"? Generally, to me, it means giving more than a sentence or two about your life without finding more about the James you're chatting up. And think about it -- in all the most recent Bond films, the "bad guys" figure out who Bond is quite quickly. But the Bond grrl gets to look "innocent" -- while she can quietly be the one to actually get James out of trouble. Mystery and being "number 2" is a good thing -- the Bond grrls are usually something else first (cellist, pilot, chemist) and then an ally to Bond second. So they can lay low, and don't get their heads shot off, while they figure out how to make the best of a situation! It's hard to do that if you've already "spilled the beans" about exactly who you are and where you're going.

Importantly, a Bond grrl can "tone up” or “tone down” as the occasion presents – and she definitely understands how the whole "social dynamic" thing works.

In my mind, Bond women have elegance, style and taste -- but they are nonchalant about it. They don't "strut their stuff." Bond women are strong, exotic, and sexually aware (we will talk about that in another post). They are full of their "self," but they are centered enough not to drone on about what they do all day. When it comes to words that contain "Self," a Bond woman is Self-possessed, Self-assured, and Self-aware. Not self-centered.

In sum, no one should put people on the potter's wheel and try to re-shape them -- but by being congruent, self-aware and centered, a Bond grrl can sculpt a conversation to show herself at advantage.